- Title: Dangerous Games of the Heart
Author: Camilla Sandman
Date written: 30th January
E-mail addy: Cammy_Sandy@hotmail.com
Category: Frank/Rachel/Jack romance.. and no, NOT a threesome
Timeframe: Alternate season 4
Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, if I owned them, don’t ya reckon I’d lock myself in with Frank and not emerge for years???
Author’s Note: A story I have been brewing on for a few weeks, this is a close as ya’ll ever get to an actual Jack/Rachel story by me..
Heaps of thanks to Sarah for beta reading!! You rock my dear, totally and utterly and so much I’d make you an honorary Norwegian!!!
WARNING: SOME LANGUAGE AND SEX SCENES IN THIS ONE!!!
Lyrics (Part One): Deuce – Cardigans, Nights Are Forever Without You - England Dan & John Ford Coley, I Am A rock - Simon & Garfunkel
PART ONE
I am afraid of you now.. Now that you left me
Nothing can say no not much.. now that you left..
Now that you left me.. Now that you left me..
Just for how long
Did you know Before you left me
Nothing to do, it’s up to you
To use it against me
You use it against me Now that you left me
You are ahead of me now Because you left me
Words that I said, All yours now
To use against me
You have erased me Now that you left me
I’ll be gone
I’ll be gone
I’ll be gone
*******
~~~~~~~~
Frank left me. I still can’t believe me left me! The damn bastard sailed away and left me crying on the pier. He’s been away a few months now, but I have been too angry to put anything down on paper about it. I don’t know if I was more sad or more angry when he left.. probably a combination.
We were going to kiss when Mick knocked on the door.. I’m not sure if kissing him would had made it easier or harder for me to see him go. Both in a way, I think, because I can’t help wondering what it would have been like.. And if I had known, it would have been harder to let go.
But he didn’t kiss me. And now they have partnered me with Jack Christey. I seem to have a knack for falling for my partners, I keep wanting to smack Jack on the head, and then kiss him. I think I’m falling for him, damn me. I think I have for quite a while, but there was Frank..
Frank, where are you now? Out there, somewhere, on the wide ocean? Wherever you are.. take care.
Take care.
~~~~~~~~
Just a few lights were on in the Sydney Water Police Headquarters.
“So Rach, another case cracked, eh?” Jack remarked to his partner Rachel Goldstein. She looked up from the papers on her desk.
“Yeah.. I feel like heading home,” she replied, closing the file she had been looking at. He nodded, getting up from his chair.
“So..”
“You sound like Frank,” she remarked, “so this, so that.” He frowned slightly at her remark, not exactly happy about being reminded of the previous owner of his desk.
“I bet Frank never did this,” he finally replied, kissing her on the mouth. She resisted a bit at first, but soon she was leaning into the kiss, exploring his mouth urgently. She pushed him up against a wall, tearing slightly at his shirt. When she broke it off, he was breathing rapidly.
“Frank never did that, you’re right,” she smiled, picking up her coat from the chair, heading out of the office.
“Hey Rach, how about a drink?” he called after her.
“You buying?”
“Sure!” He caught up with her at the staircase, and they headed downstairs smiling.
“Hello Rachel.”
Both froze on the last step, looking at the man in the doorway.
“Francis James Holloway,” Rachel whispered, just staring.
“G’day,” Frank replied, giving her a somewhat unsure smile. He was more tanned than last she had seen him, his hair had grown a bit longer and he hadn’t seemed to shave for a few days.
Otherwise, he looked like the same Frank Holloway that had sailed into the sunrise and the adventure a few months earlier.
“I thought you’d be out there sailing,” she finally said after a long silence. She felt Jack’s gaze on her, probably trying to judge her reaction to Frank’s homecoming.
“Made it to Brisbane, got a little bored.. decided to make a little detour home,” Frank said, while shrugging his shoulders, “maybe I shouldn’t have bothered.”
She felt her cheeks grow hot. Damn him!
“Yeah, maybe,” she snapped back, brushing past him on her way out, “You coming Jack?”
“Yeah. Nice meeting you again Frank.”
“Likewise.”
The two men exchanged a glance she couldn’t read as they passed each other.
“C ya!” Frank called after them, then let out a great sigh. Damn! He hadn’t expected Jack. Had she replaced him so fast? Damn her! He could see them walking outside, Rachel pretty fast, like she couldn’t wait to get away from him. Didn’t she understand that he was back for her? 3 months out on the open ocean had given him plenty of time to think, and he had missed her. More than anything else, he had missed her.
“Rach, slow down will ya?” Jack almost shouted as he tried to keep up with her fast walk.
“No, you hurry up!” she shot back. She knew she was running, but right now, she didn’t care. Damn him!
Jack seemed to realise any further conversation would result in him getting his head snapped off, and wisely shut his mouth.
“My place,” she told him and walked to her car. He stared after her a bit unsure, then headed for his own. Despite his better judgement, he followed her to her place.
The door was open when he got there, and he walked in carefully. She was sitting on the couch, nursing a beer.
“So.. Frank’s back.”
“I noticed!” she snapped.
“And you’re not hung up on him?”
She looked up at him, her blue eyes unreadable.
“No! Frank and I were partners, nothing more. Get a grip, Jack.”
“You sure seem hung up..”
“I am NOT hung up on Frank!” she snapped at him, grabbing his tie, pulling him down to her level, “I am not!”
Her lips grasped his with an intensity fuelled by their argument, she practically devoured him. He fell over her on the couch, they wrestled a bit before she ended on top. All the while their mouths were locked in a tongue wrestling match of their own.
She managed to tear his tie off, although nearly managing to strangling him in the process. His hands were roaming her body freely, managing to get under her shirt.
“Does this feel like.. a hang up to you?” she muttered between kisses.
“Mmm.. no.. sorry I asked…”
She ripped his shirt open with a tearing sound, her hands playing with some chest hair. Yanking it a bit, he yelped in pain into her mouth.
“I got ya by the hairs, Christey,” she grinned, “better do as I say…”
“Uh huh..” He had managed to open the buttons on her shirt, exposing her black bra to his hungry eyes. His hands were desperately searching for the evasive clasp of it, but he had no immediate success. She giggled, then yanked him a bit more.
“Ouch!” he complained.
“Upstairs,” she directed, leading him by the hairs. He followed her step by step, his gaze never faltering from her face. As they approached the bedroom, he began nibbling on her ear. She let out a small moan, loosing her grip on his chest hair. Grabbing her wrists, he pushed her hands up against the wall, while his mouth continued down her neck, her shoulder, the upper side of her breasts.
“Jack,” she muttered, “now..”
He lifted his face to hers again, searching her eyes. He still couldn’t read the look in them, but her facial expression was clear.
*Take me now*
And so he did.
~~~~~~~~
Damn him. There he was, all of a sudden, back as suddenly as he had left me. Francis James Holloway in the flesh. A part of me wanted to rush over and kiss him breathless, another part of me wanted to slam him hard. Damn him!! I was.. what? Over him? I don’t know. And will I fall for him again now that he is back. And Jack..
What have I done? I don’t know why I kissed Jack, why I took him to my bed. Maybe it was to say to Frank “Look, I’m over you! I’m with Jack!”
Or maybe I am over him ,and I’m just using it as an excuse for not being honest to Jack.
Damn.
~~~~~~~~
Tossing his keys on the table, Frank searched for the kitchen light. To his amazement, it flickered on with only a second’s hesitation. Dust was everywhere, but aside from that, it looked the same as when he had left.
So now what? He had come back with a silly hope of her having changed her mind, instead he found her smiling at Jack Christey. Damned Jack Christey!
Damn him! He should never have left, he never would have if he had known she would have turned to Jack Christey at the very first opportunity. He would have chained her to the rig and sailed off with her if he had known. Damn that man!!
He slammed his fist into the kitchen table, not knowing if he was most angry with himself, with Jack or with her.
And he had no beers or scotch or.. Maybe he should head for a bar. That would mean risking running into Jack and Rachel *together* though.. he wasn’t sure he wanted too.
His legs seemed to have a life of their own, carrying him towards bed. He suddenly felt very tired, but not ready to sleep. Falling onto the bed, he just looked at the roof.
He should have stayed sailing on the wide ocean, at least there he had the dream.. and the illusion that she’d fall into his arms when he got back.
She was falling into someone’s arms by the look of it alright.. but they weren’t his.
Lying in bed with the radio on
Moonlight falls like rain
Soft summer nights thinking of you
When will I see you again
Soft and low the music means
I can't stop thinking 'bout you, thinkin' 'bout you
I didn't know it would be so strong
Waiting and wondering about you
I didn't know it would last so long
Nights are forever without you
Nights are forever without you
The curtains still dance with the radio on
The sun'll be coming up soon
But I just can't sleep for thinking of you
Here alone with the moon
*********
There was a knock at his door. Opening his eyes confusedly, he realised he must have fallen asleep anyway, and that morning had come.
“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered when the knocking persisted, trotting downstairs. His head felt heavy.
Opening the door, he found Rachel on his doorstep.
“Heya Frank,” she said calmly.
“Morning,” he replied, looking a bit unsure.
“I’m.. I’m glad to see you again,” she finally said.
“Yeah? That why you snapped my head off?”
“I was a bit surprised, and besides, you didn’t seem too happy to see me either!”
“With Jack.. no, frankly, I was not!”
“Jack’s my partner Frank!” she shot back, feeling a bit of anger re-emerge. She had intended to come to clear things up, wish him a welcome back, but damn, he was just so..!!
“And the same rule applies for him as it did when I were your partner, eh Goldie?”
“None of your business!!”
They stared at each other angrily.
“Well, I’m not your partner anymore!” he finally countered, and pulled her in so fast she had no time to protest. He brushed her lips so hard against hers she knew they would bruise, and to her horror, she felt herself give in, letting herself being kissed. After a while her body seemed to take on a life of its own, pressing itself against his..
“No!” She tore her mouth away, took one look at him, and slapped him hard. He was too dazzled from the kiss to duck, and her hand left a big red mark on his cheek.
“I guess I had that coming,” he muttered. Their gazes locked, both were breathing hard.
“I’m sorry,” he finally offered. She gave a slight nod, then put her hand on his cheek gently.
“Sorry I slapped you.”
“Nah.. I had it coming.. I’d invite ya in for coffee, but I don’t think I have any.” She smiled.. the first smile she had given him since he came back. His heart jumped.
“We can go somewhere,” she suggested, “my treat, since you’re back and all.”
“I’d like that,” he replied, “Jack coming too?”
She shook her head. “He had to go into the office early.”
“Oh, I see..”
He closed the door behind him with a satisfied smile.
********
“Where have you been?” Jack asked impatiently, as she entered the office a few hours later.
“I had breakfast,” she replied, “what’s this, a 3rd degree or something?”
“With Frank?” he asked, unable to keep a bit of resentment out of his voice. She sent him a curious look.
“So?”
“So, is he back for good or what?”
“He didn’t say,” she answered while hanging up her coat, “let’s talk about something else.”
“Fine. How about last night?”
She shot him an annoyed glare as she sat down.
“Not at the office, Jack.”
“Fine,” he muttered, his uneasiness growing. He had almost convinced himself she wanted him last night, but the way she had just brushed him off and headed off to have breakfast with Frank.. Frank!! Why did he have to get back just now? He was sick of playing 5th wheel on the wagon with those two.
“Jack, Rachel, you mind heading out to the Nemesis? We have a robbery in progress!” Helen shouted to them, and both detectives jumped up at once, running out the door.
“Let’s go Tommy!” Rachel shouted as soon as both her and Jack had jumped onto the deck. The boat speeded away, heading for one of the marinas.
At the same time, Frank pulled up in front of the building. He had decided to come after all, if only to see how Jack fitted in.
“Jack and Rachel are looking into a robbery,” Helen told him as he peeked his head in, “welcome home Frank!”
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, at least someone seemed happy to see him! Tayler gave him a grin from the other side of the room as well.
“Venezuela bored ya?”
“Yeah, ya know, the sheilas were nothing like the ones here.”
“Nemesis to VKG.”
“VKG here, what’s your situation.”
“We have an officer down. I repeat, we have an officer down and request immediate backup.”
Frank froze. The dreaded words of every cop filled his mind. Officer down. Officer down.
“Is it.. Rachel?” he whispered.
“VKG to Nemesis. Who is down?”
“Jack Christey.”
********
She had seen the shot hit Jack. Everything had hit slow motion as they approached the spot, she had seen him jump over the railing and onto the pier, she had seen the man emerge from behind one of the shots, she had seen him shoot, and she had seen the shot hit.
And she had screamed out his name.
In a matter of seconds she was by his side, holding onto him for her dear life, yelling at Tommy to get backup. She heard him radio to the headquarters, but distantly, as if it didn’t concern her.
She felt Jack’s blood on her hands, she felt his pained breath on her cheek and she felt her heart scream in agony.
He couldn’t die.
The ambulance seemed to take forever to get there, seconds becoming minutes, and minutes hours. She waited and waited and prayed.
He couldn’t die.
Finally, the ambulance pulled up, and he was rushed away with howling sirens. She remained on the pier, looking at her bloody hands.
“Rachel.”
She looked up to see Frank standing over her, his face was unreadable.
“I’ll take you to the hospital,” he offered. She nodded, letting herself be led by the shoulders to his car. She let him drive too, just staring at her hands.
He couldn’t die from her. Not Jack.
Frank glanced over at her, his face a mask of worry. He didn’t like Jack, but hell, he didn’t wish the guy dead.
They pulled up at the hospital only moments after the ambulance. Her face had got some colour now, she seemed to have snapped out of the shock, Frank noted.
Heading into the hallway, they found a couple of chairs, and did all they could do. Wait.
~~~~~~~~
I can’t begin to describe how it felt like to see Jack get shot right in front of my very eyes. I could suddenly see myself at his funeral, see myself grief him, see myself being consumed by the sense of loss. Frank wasn’t even in that picture. But suddenly he was there, like he has been so many times before, just holding me while I cried for Jack, not even commenting on it.
I could never cry in front of Jack. I wonder why.. maybe because I have not known him as long as Frank. I would cry for Jack though, just as I would for Frank.
For a split second I thought fate had made the choice for me, that I would grieve for Jack and maybe Frank would help me through it, eventually allowing us to explore our own relationship.
But fate didn’t deal me the cruel blow. Jack made it. And even though I am overjoyed, there is a small part of me wondering if it might have been easier if I had lost him.
Damn that part of me!
~~~~~~~~
“He’ll make it,” the doctor told Frank and Rachel two hours later, “we managed to remove the bullet and stop his internal bleeding. How much damage it did we’re not sure, but it looks like he will pull through in one piece.”
“Thank God,” Rachel finally let out the breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. The two hours waiting in the hallway had been hell. She had cried into Frank’s shoulder, he had said nothing, just gently rubbing her back.
“Can we see him?” she asked a second later.
“He’s not awake yet, I’m afraid,” the doctor informed her, “but you can look at him if you like.”
“Yeah,” she muttered, following the doctor. After a few seconds, she turned, noticing Frank wasn’t following.
“Please?”
He looked at her, then gave her a slight nod, and followed them down the hall.
“Here ya go,” the doctor indicated, pushing open a door.
He was so pale, was her first impulse. So damn pale! Stepping closer, she saw all the instruments that were monitoring his situation. His heart was beating, she could tell, what the others said, she had no idea. But he was alive.
“Heya Jack,” she said more confident than she felt. “A bit of a beating, eh?”
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor assured her. She lifted her gaze to Frank, wanting him to assure her too.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Frank agreed, feeling a bit left out. Rachel had hardly said two words to him the whole time, and the way she was looking at Jack.. he shifted a bit uncomfortably in the doorway.
“We’ll call you if there are any changes.. you should get some rest.”
“I’ll take her home,” Frank offered, walking over to her and placing his hands on her shoulders.
“We can put up a bed in a room down the hall if ya like,” the doctor offered. He seemed to understand her need to be close.
“I’d like that,” she muttered, leaning a bit into Frank. He wrapped his arms closer around her.
“This way.”
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock, I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock, I am an island.
I am shielded in my armour,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock, I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
********
She fell asleep, on the bed they had put up for her, pretty fast, all exhausted. Frank wasn’t really sure what to do, so he just sat there. Waiting.
Waiting for her to need him.
She whimpered slightly in her sleep, and he took her hand gently, stroking it. He hoped she would sense his presence and know he was there.
“Frank,” she suddenly muttered, “hold me.”
He lifted the covers and crawled up next to her, his arms going around her waist. She seemed to be half awake, half dreaming. She turned a bit, so that she was facing him, letting a finger trace his jaw line. He couldn’t read the expression in her eyes.
“Rachel?” he whispered.
“Kiss me Frank,” she muttered. He blinked confused, and when he did nothing, she leaned forward herself, kissing him gently. Just a brief touch before he pulled back, looking at her. He still couldn’t read her expression, it was just.. solemn.
“Rach?” he whispered again, but she just kissed him in reply, still just gently.
“Kiss me Frank,” she urged, and finally, he gave in, lifting her upper lip slightly to allow him to explore the inside of her mouth. He went slowly, waiting for her to tell him to stop, but she never did.
He took her clothes off slowly, one item of clothing at a time. She helped him undress her in the same slow manner. When his skin touched hers he made an inhuman sound, both of longing and wanting at the same time. She bit into his shoulder as he explored every part of her body like a starved man finding a meal fit for a king.
And all her thoughts of Jack she pushed aside, wanting to escape reality for just one night. With Frank.
And when he brought her to the peak, all thoughts of Jack vanished and she just.. felt.
~~~~~~~~
What the hell did I do? There I was, all my thoughts on Jack, and suddenly I ask Frank to kiss me! I dunno why, I just know I wanted it, I needed it somehow. It wasn’t like I imagined it being with Jack.. I knew who I was doing it with all along, so I have no excuse. No excuse at all.
But when I’m with Frank, it’s all I can think of, and when I’m with Jack, he pushes the thoughts of Frank off my mind. I don’t know how to feel… Am I crazy? Can I love two people?
Making love to Frank was like lying on a sunny beach.. the feeling keeps filling you until you feel like you’re gonna burst. With Jack it’s like a fight for control until we both surrender to each other. I can’t compare those feelings. They are just as good, only.. different.
What the hell have I got myself into?
~~~~~~~~
She awoke first, her body still tangled in his. Careful not to wake him, she disentangled herself and put her clothing on. Tip toeing out, she headed for Jack’s room.
He was awake.
“Rach!” he exclaimed as soon as he saw her. She gave him a small smile.
“Had me worried there a while,” she remarked, sitting down beside him.
“I had you worried, eh?”
“Yeah.”
Silence settled, she felt like running far, far away, far from the mess she had made of her life, far from herself.
“Rach?” Frank called, peeking his head in. “Oh, hi Jack. You’re awake.”
She felt her cheeks fluster, then her eyes water. Damnit! She had slept with the both men in a matter of days, and now they were both here.. What kind of game was she playing with them? What the hell was she doing??!! Both focused their gazes on her, she wasn’t sure which one to meet. The one she looked up at would be the one she chose.. and she couldn’t.. she couldn’t!!!
She fixed her gaze on her hands, but their gazes were burning holes in her, and with a small sob, she turned and ran, brushing past Frank. He managed to grab hold of her arm.
“Rachel..”
She kept her eyes downcast.
“Let me go Frank,” she whispered breathlessly.
“What’s going on Rach?” he asked concerned.
“Yeah, Rachel, what’s wrong?” Jack chimed in.
She couldn’t tell them. They would hate her forever. She couldn’t.
“Let me go!” She tore her arm away and ran, ran through the hallway. She heard both call after her, but she just ran. And ran until she was outside, until the dark Sydney night greeted her. Only then did she stop, out of breath.
“What have I done?” she muttered to herself, feeling an urge to throw up. Jack one night, Frank the other.
She had to get away, just had to.
*******
End Part One
Part Two
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