- More Than This
By Camilla Sandman
Author’s Note: I’m going for Jaye’s tiara.. hahaha!! So I guess a warning is in order..
*****WARNING!!! It gets hot here ppl!!!! Yes, I am talking bout the “sex” word.******
Just a piece of wishful thinking from my part, inspired by my own insomnia that occasionally hits.
Lyrics are “More Than This” by The Cure. It seemed oddly fitting to use them...
To Julia, as promised..
*****
For a second of your life Tell me if it’s true
Waiting for a sign, Is all I want from you
Your heart hides a secret, a promise of what is
Something more than this
*****
Rachel Goldstein couldn’t sleep. After tossing and tossing and tossing, she had to face the fact: She couldn’t sleep. For one week now, all she got was one hour of sleep, before she wake up tossing. This night was no different. Sighing, she lifted the cover and got up. The floor was cold against her feet, she shivered a bit as she wrapped herself in the blanket and walked from the bedroom. Casting a glance in the mirror revealed a tired woman, black streaks under her eyes, hair seeming lifeless, pale face and dark, dark eyes.
The clock showed 3.06 a.m. The windows revealed a dark night sky, a full moon almost green in color. She let herself fall onto the couch, looking at the quiet room. It was too quiet. And therein was her problem.
She missed David. She missed.. someone. It was a simple feeling.. she was lonely. But knowing it didn’t cure it. If anything, it made it worse. Especially in the cover of the darkness where she couldn’t even hide from herself. Almost unconsciously she reached for the phone, then stopped herself.
“No,” she said firmly, then repeated it, “no.”
She wasn’t gonna call. She was NOT going to call. She was not going to call HIM. Besides, he was sound asleep. It would be… cruel. A tiny smile formed on her lips.
Cruel indeed...
Her hand went for the phone again...but what was she gonna say?
“Hey Frank, I’m feeling lonely..” No, he would take that as an invitation
“What’s up Frank?” No, too cheeky.
It ringed 9 times before he answered.
“Hmmmpf?” came his muffled voice.
“Hey Frank..”
“Rach..”
“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“No, I’m always up at..” she heard him pause to check the time, “3.16 a.m. What’s going on, we got a case or sumthin?”
“No..” She fell silent. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea.
“What..Oh.” He fell silent too, for a while all she could hear was his breathing.
“Umm.. yeah, sorry about waking you, I’ll c ya tomorrow, bye.” And with that she hung up, suddenly realizing what she was doing. She was lonely, not desperate, and it was Frank after all!
The doorbell sounding not long afterwards didn’t really surprise her though. And surely, she opened the door to reveal Frank. He looked awake, clothes casual, hair still a bit flat from sleeping. She drank in the sight of him, but refused even a bit of warmth to crawl into her voice.
“What are you doing here Frank?” she asked.
“You tell me, you called me after all,” he shrugging his shoulders. For a moment they just stared at each other, then she sighed, and motioned for him to come in.
She could see him eyeing her, being just in her nightshirt and all, and she gave him a warning glare.
“I come bearing gifts,” he declared, producing a bottle of wine from behind his back.
“Impressive Francis,” she smiled, getting glasses.
*****
Just a second of your time Anyone would do
A taste of any other, is all I want from you
Offer me the world and how can I resist
Something more than this
*****
They drank in silence for a while. Both sitting on the couch, she with a blanket half-way wrapped around her. It took a while for her to realize he wasn’t gonna push the subject.. he left it to her.
“Frank..” she said, not knowing where to begin.
“It’s okay Rach. You can call me anytime you want to, ya know. Unless I got a sheila over of course…” She snorted, shaking her head a bit, but the comment had taken away some of the uneasiness between them.
This was Frank, not some stranger.
“To dreams,” he offered, and she clinked her glass with his.
“If I only could have some,” she added a while later.
“Problems sleeping?” She nodded miserably.
“Ya could always try the oldest cure for it,” he said with a wink, and she let an elbow punch him in the ribs.
“Holloway!”
He laughed, then gave her a blinding smile.
“Ya got any beers?” he asked after a while, “I think we’ve almost finished the wine.”
“Just a sec,” she smiled, and headed to the kitchen. He looked after her, smiling softly.
*****
Make believe in magic, make believe in dreams,
Make believe impossible, nothing as it seems
To see, touch, taste, smell, hear,
But never know if it’s real
For a second of your life
Tell me if it’s true Any way the other
Is all I want of you
*****
She returned with a few bottles of beer, tossing one at him. He caught it with one hand, getting a raised eyebrow from her.
“Been practicing?” she asked, sitting down again.
“Yeah.. impressive?”
“Very,” she laughed.
They let the bottles clink again, toasting silently. Shivering a bit, she rubbed her arms.
“Cold?”
“A bit,” she admitted.
“Ya always got my warm arms,” he joked.
“I might take ya up on that one day,” she replied, giving him a wink. He blinked. She had just… She was flirting! With him! He stared at her dumbly, then shook his head a bit.
She gave him a warm smile.
No doubt about it, she was flirting!
“Rach..”
“Do you ever feel alone Frank?” she interrupted, her face growing serious.
Confused, he stared at her. First she was flirting and now she was..
“Of course,” he said after a while, choosing his words carefully.
“I think we all feel alone sometimes,” he added. She nodded, taking a sip of beer, looking at a point on the wall.
“Do you?” As soon as he had uttered the question, he could have bitten his tongue off. He had learned a long time ago that some lines ya just didn’t cross with his partner. He had just made a major trespassing.
“Yes,” she whispered. He blinked. She wasn’t biting his head off! It had to be serious.
“I walk in a crowd.. and I feel all alone Frank..” she admitted, biting her tongue. She still couldn’t believe she actually answered him, instead of biting his head off. But she needed.. him?
“Rach.. If you’re alone, it’s by your own choice.” Her head shot up at his remark, meeting his gaze. And there it was, the unspoken word. It had always been there, in his eyes, even if she had tried to ignore it.
And God help her, but she needed it.
*****
In your lips lies a secret The promise of a kiss
Something more than this
*****
She let her gaze fall, but he had already seen what he needed in them. The secret they both shared, but never talked about.
It was his move, he realized.
And he stared at her lips. She wet them unconsciously. He could not help but move forward a bit, till their faces was close enough to feel the other’s breath. She closed her eyes, his gaze being to much to bear. A second later she felt his lips on hers. It was gentle.. soothing.. warm.. but she needed more. She was cold, and need his fire.
She surprised both of them by leaning backwards on the couch, bringing him down with her.
What was meant as a soothing kiss had rapidly gotten out of control as they practically devoured each other. When he finally tore himself away, she let out a protesting moan. He got up from the couch, standing on the floor and looking intently at her
“Rach… I want to give ya this.. Hell, I could never deny ya anything. But I need more. I need more than this. I..”
“I know Frank”, she whispered, “and I do..”
“Do what?” he asked breathlessly.
“Love you… Francis James Holloway, I love you despite you being such a jerk.”
*****
Just a second of your time Any one will do
To know of any other Is all I want of you
Giving me the world And now I can’t resist
Something more than this
*****
He stared at
her, then the widest grin she had ever seen emerged on his face. “Ah Rachel.. I love you, and oh crap, I’ve been waiting..”
“Frank?” she cut in
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
And with that she got up beside him, and pealed off her nightshirt. He stared. She grinned, then leaned forward to plant a big kiss on his lips.
“You’re overdressed,” she pointed out, and he began lifting his shirt off at once.
She helped him get the shirt off, lifting it over his head, covering his head. She kissed him on the lips through the fabric. He muttered her name, and when finally free of the sweatshirt, his mouth came down on hers again, like fire. She felt herself respond in equal force, so much that she lost balance and fell backwards. He fell after here, both hitting the floor. That didn’t slow them down too much..
She laughed into his mouth as they rolled around, she would be bruised everywhere when morning came, but right now she didn’t care. And his skin felt so soft under her fingers. She allowed herself to close her eyes, and just feel, feel what he was doing to her body, until it washed over her like a wave, and she cried out his name.
*****
Make believe in magic, make believe in dreams,
Make believe impossible, nothing as it seems
Never really understand what anything is
Another second of my life Not knowing if it’s true
Make believe in nothing Is all I want of you
******
She let him hold her afterwards, even snuggled a bit up to him. He pulled down the blanket, and they just lay there, on the floor. He couldn’t believe it had happened. They had to deal with the consequences later, work would be complicated, their friendship could get on the line, but right now he was content just holding her. She had given him a bit of her heart, and no matter what happened, he would always
have that.
He would always have something more. And he looked at her as the first streaks of sun emerged and she slept peacefully.
*****
Whisper me the secret, whisper me there is
Always something other
Something more than this
*****
Fini
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