Faded Scars
By Camilla Sandman
Chapter Nine
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?~
He followed her like a shadow into the living room, both feeling no particular urge to talk. It was the good thing about Frank, she didn't feel forced to talk around him. Silence could be a good thing.
He pulled off his jacket without saying anything, looking at her in a way that made her feel naked already. The tie went next, then he looked at her expectantly. Slowly, she lifted her arms and the shirt fell to the floor.
Walking over to her, he let a hand slide over her skin, touching every exposed millimetre. She shivered slightly, as he pulled down the straps of her bra.
“Rach,” he muttered, in reverence as she unhooked the bra herself, and he looked down at her perfect breasts. And they really were perfect, he had seen enough breasts to know that. In fact, all of her was perfect.
She tilted her head as he leaned down to kiss her, the familiar sensation of heat beginning to crawl up from his stomach. He never got tired of kissing her, and making her moan in that very cute way at the back of her throat.
Her let his hands wander to her back, pushing her even closer. Her hands had wandered to open his shirt, wandering downwards and nearly causing him to yelp as she reached her target.
She chuckled into his mouth, but he got his revenge. Breaking off the kiss, he settled on one of her breasts, and this time it was her who yelped.
Closing her eyes, she let him slowly drive her nuts, kissing and stroking and even nibbling until she dug her fingers into his back.
“Frank..” she half warned, half begged. Glancing around the room he decided, damn it, the table would do.
Lifting her up, he sat her on the table and tore her pants off in one fluid motion. She watched through half closed eyelids as he removed his own clothes, then pulled her body next to his.
Skin against skin was the sweetest sensation, and he sighed softly. She was smiling, a finger tracing the outlines of the scar from when he had been shot and she had held him in her arms, praying he wouldn't die. It seemed so long ago now, but the scar was still there. One of many, he'd led a hard life.
She bent down and kissed it, beginning a trail of kisses upwards, lingering at the hollow of his neck. He was barely breathing, just looking at her in the way that always made her feel so exposed.
“Frank?”
“Hmm?”
“What do you see when you look at me like that?”
“You, Rachel. Just you.”
She wasn't sure if his words scared her or pleased her. He was so.. Close to her it frightened her sometimes. She wasn't sure how to deal with it.
“And,” he added, with a wink. “A damn good screw.”
She had to laugh. That she could deal with, Frank's terrible, terrible sense of humour.
“Frank, one more joke and I'm kicking you out.”
“Seriously?”
“Nah,” she whispered and kissed him again. As their mouths locked Frank lifted her up again, swinging her around. She wasn't sure when they dropped to the floor, all she was aware of was Frank, around her and inside her, and the warmth spread from her stomach all the way to her fingertips.
She felt alive, in every fibre of her being, like she was flying and falling at once. The warmth kept building and building, and it was painful and wonderful beyond words. She bit into his shoulder not to cry out as she reached the top and her body screamed in silent delight.
And for a second, she was up there with the stars.
******
The stars were twinkling down as a car pulled up in front of Alex St Clare's house and two silhouettes emerged, barely visible in the darkness.
Despite Alex's protests, Mick insisted on carrying all the way inside, into the house, past the kitchen (still with dishes in the sink) and all the way to the bedroom and easing her down on the bed. Even then he didn't let go, looking at her with a look of.. Well, lust.
“I'm still mad at you,” she informed him, but grabbing hold of his tie, she brought his face down to hers and kissed him hard. Panting, they broke the kiss long enough for Mick to manage to tear his tie off and begin unbuttoning his shirt. Alex just watched him, a small grin beginning to spread on her face.
As he threw his shirt away, Alex grabbed his tie. Before he noticed, she silenced him with another kiss. He didn't protest when she lifted his arms, but when he realised she was tying his hands to the bed head, he began to protest.
“Hey, Alex..”
“Shut up, Michael,” she whispered by his ear, her breath hot against his skin. He stopped trying to wriggle free, feeling strangely exited. She finished the knot as she straddled him, careful with her sprained ankle. He looked up at her, breathing slightly heavy.
God, she was beautiful.
Never letting go of his gaze, she tore her top off, and he strained to reach out and touch her.. But of course he couldn't.
She laughed softly at his frustrated groan and continued to zip her skirt down. He was practically eating her up with his eyes. She let her own hands travel over his chest, the soft skin, the firm muscles..
Leaning down, she kissed him, their tongues dancing until they were out of breath, and then they only broke it off long enough to get fresh air to the protesting lunges.
Alex felt Mick's chest rise and fall under her hands, and she brushed her breasts against his upper body to tease him even more. He made a guttural sound in the back of his throat, wanting so badly to touch her.
She broke of the kiss and slowly removed her underwear. He was struggling slightly to get free now, but he wasn't gonna get off that easily.
She slid back slightly to tug his pants off, feeling a bit impatient herself. Letting her hands wander, she explored every wonderful bit of his body.
“Alex..!” he pleaded as she began a trail of wet kisses from his neck and downwards.
“Not yet, Michael,” she muttered. He had to close his eyes, having her so close and not be able to touch her was just so frustrating, yet wonderful. He could smell the perfume she wore.. Something that reminded him of the sea.
Her skin was so warm against his. He just about thought he'd burst when she finally lifted her head up to his again and let him kiss her, but just for a few seconds.
Rubbing her body against his, she saw his eyes were clouding over with desire and something desperate had entered his voice.
“Please, please, Alex, please..”
She finally did what he wanted, and as their bodies joined, he let his head back and whispered her name in awe. It felt so good, yet it wasn't enough though, she wanted him closer and now she wanted him to touch *her*.
She finally untied the knot, struggling a bit before she managed. As soon as he was free, he pulled her upper body to his in a matter of seconds, kissing her neck and shoulders and breasts, all the while whispering her name.
It was like a mantra, each time he said it, his body tensed more and more and she urged him on until he couldn't stand it anymore and he crushed her mouth in a kiss as he flew.. And her soft body greeted him as he came tumbling back.
******
Jack walked into the Cutter bar and was greeted by a few smiles from Donna, George and Lance in the corner. Fiona and Terry were there too, to his great surprise. He had never really known them, and they seemed a little out of place at first.
But after a few beers he'd forgotten such thoughts.
It was a rather sad yet good experience, chatting and venting about the events of the last week. It still felt unreal, even if the shock had begun to wear off. But it was still hard to phantom and come to terms with.
The city had bled, and the wound was still there, gaping. Not just in the sense that the bridge was gone, but the fact that so many people were died. Everyone was affected by this tragedy. Everyone was scarred.
But all the pain brought people closer. They all felt the pain, an unifying force. Maybe something good would come of it.
He doubted it, but then again, he was old and rather distrustful.
Sophie on the other hand, was young and hopeful, and for her sake, he wanted to think good would come of it.
His daughter wanted to save the world. He toasted slightly to her, and smiled at Donna when she asked him if he was okay. For once, he wasn't annoyed. Donna too, had a big heart and thought she could make the world better by being nice, and he really shouldn't be so mean to her.
Terry told a few stories of Frank and Rachel's early escapades, and Jack found he didn't mind.. Well, not too much anyway.
His phone rang. Annoyed, he barked into the phone. “Christey.”
“Hey Jack..”
“Sophie,” he said fondly, any anger he felt vanishing quickly.
“You busy?”
“No, no,” he assured her, so glad to hear her voice his whole face lit up and the rest of the gang looked at him in astonishment. He seemed twenty years younger.
“I thought I might come over,” she muttered. “Dad's away, and I just..”
“Yeah, yeah, I'll be home in a while,” he replied, getting up even as he said it and waving to the others.
All in all, he probably wasn't too bad off.
******
There was a knock on the door, and Emma made her slow way to open the door. It took two breaks to take a breather before she got there.
It was Tommy, looking rather serious.
“Hey,” she greeted him, opening the door to allow him to enter. He walked in rather hesitantly, looking worried as she faltered a bit when walking.
“It's okay,” she assured him. “It's not really that painful.”
He looked doubtful, but didn't say anything. His silence was getting on her nerves, and turned to face him.
Before she could think, she leaned forward and kissed him. He pulled back, shaking his head slightly.
“Don't..”
“Hush,” she muttered, putting a hand against his lips. He still shook his head, but he kissed her fingertips nevertheless.
“Just kiss me, Tommy.”
He looked at her for the longest time before he finally pulled her close. Stroking her cheek, he kissed her, gradually deepening it. She flung her arms around his neck, not caring if her body hurt from the effort of standing.
He moved on to kiss her neck, knowing he shouldn't, knowing he couldn't stay.. And yet, he couldn't stop himself.
He thought he might love her.
She looked at him, her slightly parted, and he just couldn't resist kissing her. And again.
Bending down, he lifted up her shirt, and she lifted up her arms, allowing him to pull it off her. As the soft flesh of her stomach became exposed, he froze.
There, a nasty scar ran, still with stitches, a reminder that she had survived just barely
He leaned his head against the scar, kissing it, his hands making gentle circles on her hips.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “Em..”
She closed her eyes, focusing on remaining standing as he kissed every millimetres of her scar, and then continued upwards.
Her body now shook with the effort, and he lifted her up and they fell onto the couch. He was careful and so gentle, his touches barely touches at all.
“I won't break,” she whispered, putting his hands on her hips. He swallowed, knowing he should stop this, but damnit..
He couldn't stop himself, especially when Emma tugged his shirt off, and looked at him like he was the most desirable man in the world.
And as more of their clothing made it to the floor, he felt more happy and disgusted with himself than ever before.
******
Friday had turned to Saturday and the moon reigned supreme, as Sydney lay awake. It was hard to sleep these days, when nightmares were reality and reality was a nightmare.
But it was quiet this night, as it was all finally over. Dayton was jailed, his brother dead, and no more terrorists to cause havoc in Australia.. For now, it was over.
The hardest part was yet to come.
Regaining faith.
It would take a long time. It was the first time Australia had suffered such a blow, and many talked of it saying Australia had “lost its innocence”.
Truth was, it had never been innocent. The people just liked to think so, because an innocent world was easier to cope with.
The illusion was gone. And people would have to get on without it, or create a new one.
Feeling no need for sleep, Alex and Mick were kissing slowly, their bodies entwined. Outside, the grasshoppers were making their presence known, almost making music. Otherwise it was quiet, as if the city itself was silent in mourning.
No cars, no music, nothing. Just silence.
“It's strange,” Alex whispered, as she pulled back slightly. “So silent. It's never been this silent before.”
“I think everyone has finally understood the tragedy,” he whispered back, not wanting to talk too loud. It seemed.. Inappropriate. Like shouting in a church.
“Adrenaline has worn off.”
“Yeah..” he looked at her intently. “What are we gonna do, Alex? I don't want to push you, but I need to know if this it's more than just a thing. If it is, I have to go now before I can't walk away from you.”
She was silent a while. “It's gonna be messy, you know? Cops and cops..”
“Frank and Rachel did it.”
“Frank and Rachel love each other.”
“Yeah.. Is that such a bad thing?” he asked and there was an expression in his eyes she couldn't quite read.
“Noo..” she hesitated. “But they're not partners anymore. We are.”
“I know. And I don't want to lose you as a partner. But if it comes down to a choice between this.. and work.. I want *you* Alex, and if I have to give up working at the water police.. I will. How about you?”
She hesitated again, as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking hopeful and so adorable it warmed even her cold, grieving heart.
“If you haven't realised I want you by now, Michael, you're a lousy cop.”
He smiled, a devious little smile. “Yeah, I've picked up that much.”
“I can't promise you anything.. But we'll see how it goes, yeah?”
He nodded eagerly, clasping her hand in his.
“I just want one chance with you, Alex. That's all I'm asking for.”
“I think..” she grinned, tapping him on the nose. “That after all the hard work you've gone through chasing me.. You deserve a chance.”
They both laughed. “Impressed were ya?”
“Just a tiny bit,” she indicated with her fingers just how little, and he giggled. It wasn't that it was funny, it was more that it was good to laugh. The last days hadn't exactly given much opportunity to laugh about anything.
She leaned against his shoulder as the laughter died away and she smiled sadly. There was still so much to grieve for.. But at least now she knew it wouldn't choke her. There was laughter and happiness to be felt still.
******
Emma had drifted off to sleep as Tommy quietly got up and gathered his clothes.
He felt like a shit. Not only had he been unable to tell her he was leaving, he'd been unable to keep his hands off her too. He was a shit, no worse than a shit. Even Gavin would have kicked his ass for this.
Emma groaned slightly in her sleep, rolling over to her side. He walked over, crunching down to look at her peaceful, sleeping face.
She was so beautiful. He couldn't help but reach out to touch her face.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I want to stay..”
Oh, how he wanted to stay and make her happy, make her smile like he had earlier that evening, make the pain go away.
But how could he when *he* was pain? Gavin was dead, and even thinking about it tore into his flesh and stabbed his heart. In a way, it was his fault. He had been so concerned about Emma, willing her to live..
And now, every time he looked at her, he hated himself. Because a small, small part of him resented her for living and Gavin dying.
It wasn't her fault, it was his fault, but still..
“I'm sorry,” he whispered again and brushed one last kiss against her lips. Getting up, he pulled his jacket on and began to walk away.
“Tommy?” came Emma's voice, sounding a bit frightened. He stopped in the doorway, but didn't turn around
“Where are you going?”
He bit his bottom lip, wanting so badly to turn around and sweep her in his arms again, pretending there was nothing that could tear them apart.
“Brisbane.”
“What?” she muttered. “Tommy, I thought..” The sentence hung in the air, almost accusing, pointing a finger at him. God, he was a prick. She was in her full right to hate him, he thought bitterly, and a part of him actually wanted her to hate him.
He deserved it.
“I'm sorry.”
“You're SORRY?!” she hissed, sounding more angry than she had intended to. He couldn't just leave her, he couldn't.. He had just got back in her life. She had just begun to think they might have a shot at happiness, and now he was leaving?!
He still didn't turn around, shoulders slumped, and head hanging.
“I have to..” he swallowed. “I love you.”
The admission came so suddenly she was momentarily speechless. And even as she felt a brief jolt of happiness from her heart to the rest of her body, fear arose. He was leaving her, he wouldn't have said it otherwise.
“See ya..” he whispered sadly and walked out before she could think off anything to say.
After a few steps he had the strongest urge to turn back, every muscle in his body screamed out in pain. He wanted to stay. He had to go.
“Tommy?” she called out after him. “Tommy! Tommy!”
The soft slam of the door was the only answer she got.
******
The night was cold, and the winds picking up. It wasn't a good night to be outside, but it was beautiful nevertheless. It was crisp and clear and cold, the kind of night that clears your head when you walk in it, realising just how small you were in the grand scheme of things.
And yet how precious life was.
Fifteen hundred people lost forever may not be a big number compared to how many died each day all over the world, but it was damn tragedy nevertheless.
Lost talents, lost dreamers, lost inventers, lost lovers.. Lost human beings.
A few people dead were a tragedy. Fifteen hundred was a catastrophe.
And it wasn't over, not really. So much was yet to be resolved, and many tears were still to be cried as Sydney would, slowly, move on.
There wasn't much else to do.
Please don't leave me again I cried
And I drew bitter tears at the ocean
But all that came back was the tide~
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