Disclaimer: We still don’t own the Lord of the Rings or the PPC.

*****

Suedom

by Andy and Saphie

Chapter 12

To Mordor We Will Go!

"Dammit! They got away!" DraztiK groaned, looking into the woods.

"At least we got all the others," Murasaki said, pointing at the bloody, lifeless bodies that were strewn on the ground around the table. The Elves had all run away, meaning that they would have to track them down and neuralyze them. Sigh. They had wanted to make a cleaner kill. "Strange that Éowyn was here, don't you think? We'll have to add that to their charge list. Character Displacement."

"What charge list? We're to kill on sight, remember?” DraztiK paused. “They had Gimli with them, too. Odd that," he said thoughtfully. "Most Mary Sues don't like Gimli." He paused again and thought carefully, staring at the ground.

"What? You look worried," Murasaki commented as she gathered arrows from the corpses of the Mary Sues.

"Something—something's not right. Something's…off," DraztiK muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Just a feeling. All this weird stuff that's been going on. Like those 'canon ripples' Jay and Acacia told everyone about that started a while ago. Then, Jay and Acacia disappear, and HQ loses contact with them. The computers at HQ go wonky, and the Words are all scrambled together and combined. There are all those breaches in the other fandoms, leaving everyone with their hands full…"

"Which is why we were sent in, because they needed the more seasoned assassins in the other fandoms, and they couldn't spare them, not even to look for Jay and Acacia," Murasaki put in as she wiped her arrowheads. "Just where is this going?

DraztiK ignored her and continued. "And we were given orders to shoot Mary Sues on sight, not even read off their charges…" he shook his head. "Something's just not right. I think HQ knows more about it than they're letting on, too…and I think those two girls who escaped have something to do with it all."

"Well, why do you say that? They looked like your average Mary Sues to me," Murasaki replied, inspecting her arrows for adequate shininess.

DraztiK glared at her, irked that she still wasn't taking him seriously. "I don't know if I misheard it over the din…but I could've sworn they called us 'PPC Agents.'"

Murasaki promptly dropped her arrows. "What?! Are you sure?"

"I think so…"

"But how would they know about us? No way, I think you just misheard them," she said, but DraztiK ignored her as his attention was drawn somewhere else. His eyes trailed over to one of the fallen bodies…and he froze.

"What the shiznit?! Holy…!" he exclaimed as a particular body caught his eye.

"Huh?"

Murasaki followed DraztiK as he slowly walked over to the body. She glanced over his shoulder, saw the reason for his outburst, and followed suit with one of her own.

"[Expletive]!"

DraztiK sighed, and looked at his partner in annoyance. "Jeez, must you always say [expletive]? Why can't you just say the expletive itself?"

"It's not polite to curse," Murasaki said primly. DraztiK sighed, and continued looking at the body, watching closely to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

"Is it doing what I think it's doing? Or am I just seeing things?" he asked his partner.

"Nope. It's doing what you think it's doing…eh, what is it doing?" Murasaki stared at the body in puzzlement. The assassins watched as it changed, as its angular manly face gave way to slightly rounder, younger features. The muscular, chiseled body smoothed out slightly. Features reformed, angles disappeared, the surfacing features became more and more familiar…and then…

"HOLY SHIT ON A STICK!!!" DraztiK yelped, jumping away from the body

"AAAH!" Murasaki shrieked, her eyes the size of dinner plates.

After a couple of minutes of running around in a circle in a state of complete and utter panic, letting loose a string of colorful profanities, the two assassins finally calmed themselves down enough to go back to the body of the Marty Sam formerly known as Bragolthond.

"This is impossible. This is [expletive] impossible!" Murasaki murmured in shock.

"It isn't," DraztiK said, white-faced and bewildered. "I was right. Something is wrong. This is proof."

"I just—I just can't believe it. It must be just a coincidence. Yeah, that's it. He just looks like—"

"No. This is no a coincidence. That…" DraztiK said slowly. "That's me."

*****

"Meep!" Kate squeaked, surveying the bleak landscape that lay before them, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. "Mordor!" she whispered unhappily. "Why did it have to be Mordor?"

"Of all the placesss in Middle-Earth, why did we end up here?" Kira murmured, almost to herself.

"How about we figure it out after we leave?" Kate suggested, turning on her heel as if to leave.

"No, there hasss to be a reassson," Kira said, grabbing Kate's cloak to stop her from leaving. She thought carefully. "Galadriel sssaid that the Enemy might know where the Bridge isss. That He might be leaving it open for Hisss own purpossess. Could that be why we randomly came here? Did the Bridge sssomehow draw uss?"

"Or something else could have drawn you," Éowyn said darkly, from behind her.

Kira whipped around and faced her angrily. "What'sss that sssupposssed to mean?" she snapped. Kate and Gimli looked at each other in surprise, then back at the shieldmaiden and bristling half-gollum.

"I was merely implying that perhaps the Enemy was trying to draw us here. To draw you here. You and Kate know how the Quest ends. That information would be useful to him."

Kira just stared at her for a moment, and it seemed that the air between them was like a rubber band, stretched so far it might snap. They kept staring at each other for what seemed to be an immeasurable length of time, but Kira couldn't hold out under the shieldmaiden's gaze. Something seemed to snap within her and she turned away. Kate and Gimli finally breathed. Éowyn just looked worried.

"What in Arda just happened?" Gimli whispered to the Elf.

"I don't know," Kate whispered back.

Kira gazed out over the arid land. "The Bridge iss here. It musst be here! The quessst ended here for Sssam and Frodo. Maybe it'll end here for uss…"

“‘It'll end here for us?' Isn't that the exact reason we should leave?! It's creeepy…" said Kate.

"Creeepy" was the Grand Pubah of understatements.

It was oppressive. The darkness was stifling. At the same time, the sheer openness of the plain before them left them feeling vulnerable. They feared that eyes were watching them, watching their every move. The eyes of what, they couldn't say. It was horrible, the way it made them feel-suffocated, yet vulnerable; lost and alone, yet watched, hunted. And the air was torture to breathe; hot and thick with fumes. It had a bitter tang to it that dried out their mouths and eyes. The worst thing of all was the sense of evil all around, as if the earth itself sucked up all goodness and light and laughter. There was no hope in this place, nor could they believe that there ever had been. As oppressive as the land was to the body, it was even worse to the soul.

"I guesss it ain't called the Black Land for nothin'…" Kira mused.

Kate looked up at the tumultuous, cloudy sky overhead and shuddered. How could it be possible for the sky to be that dark? Gimli and Éowyn unconsciously gripped their weapons.

"Frodo and Sam described it," the Dwarf said in a hushed voice, "but I never imagined…" His voice trailed off. Mordor had a tendency to trail off sentences, leaving them to fall dead into the dust.

"Didn't you go into Mordor to bring down the last fortresses of Sauron after the Ring was destroyed?" asked Kate. "I thought Aragorn led the army in."

"He did, but the Enemy was gone by then, and the sky was starting to clear. It was bad, but this is considerably worse," the dwarf answered.

"Empty and dead," Kira said bleakly. "Can you imagine travelling through thisss place for weeksss upon weeksss, sstarving, dying of thirssst, bearing the heaviesst burden you could posssibly bear, with no hope left to you?"

With every word, Kate came closer and closer to bursting into tears.

"Stop it!" she finally cried. "Poor Frodo! He has to do this over and over again. And this place is sad, and horrible, and scary enough as it is without your commentary, thank you very much!" She gave a little sniffle and wiped her eye on the edge of her cloak.

"Sssorry," Kira said, her hardened face softening. "I—I guesss I'm being a little too gloomy and doomy, huh…And, I mean, it'ss Frodo…"

"S'okay," Kate sniffed, and the fires of determination ignited in her eyes. "Let'ss go find that Bridge. So we can end Frodo's suffering soon."

"Let's not forget Legolas and the fair Lady Galadriel!" Gimli chipped in.

"Or my brother, my uncle, and my husband," Éowyn added.

"And the whole ressst of Middle-Earth, too. That'ss not going to happen unlesss we get moving, though. So, let'sss go!"

She started marching forwards, but the others hesitated for a moment.

"Should we go?" Éowyn asked Kate. "Do you really think it's here?"

"I don't know. But if what Galadriel told Kira is true, it might be, and we may never be able to sneak into this—this scary…place again. We have to at least look."

The woman and the Dwarf nodded and the three started to march on, looking around fearfully the entire time.

They soon reached the Plains of Gorgoroth (having completely missed the Falls of Rauros, Emyn Muil, the Dead Marshes, and the Ephel Duath due to plot inconsistencies) and had to brave the arid, rocky wastes that lay before Mount Doom.

The terrain became increasingly harder to travel on. The cracks and faults in the flat, hardened ground grew larger and larger as the indomitable, black volcano loomed closer and closer. Soon, they were forced to climb in and out of them, using them as passageways through the black, dusty rock of the plain.

It was tiring work. Kate and Kira were more exhausted than they had ever been so far. Éowyn lasted longer than the girls did, but even her feet started to drag after a while. She held her head up high, however, and proudly struggled on without a single complaint, in her typical noble fashion. Gimli was the least affected, Dwarves being renowned for their endurance, but the land was even getting to him. His head hung low and his feet dragged, and he couldn't look up at the dark sky. In this darkest of hours, the only thing driving him on was a love for his friends, particularly for Legolas and the Lady Galadriel.

After three hours of silent marching, exhaustion finally overcame them. It took Kira first.

"That'sss…it. Can't…go…any…further," Kira finally choked, falling to her knees. They were currently in one of the long, narrow faults of the plain. She leaned against the rock wall of the fault and gasped for air.

"Ditto," Kate gasped. Then she collapsed as well, and slid down next to Kira's side. The two shrugged off their packs, and slumped back against the rock. Without arguing, Gimli and Éowyn sat down opposite them, against the other wall of the crack. They all sat in silence as the dark of Mordor became even darker, and night slowly fell over the Black Land.

"Of all placess…to be canonically-correct…" Kira muttered in the dark. She rustled around for her water bottle, her throat parched after the long walk. The others did the same, but they all drank very little to conserve what they had.

Suddenly, a monstrous growl rang out in the dark, making them all jump. Gimli and Éowyn made for their weapons and—

"I'm hungry," said Kate, and she rustled around in her pack for some food.

The dwarf and woman sighed in both relief and annoyance as Kate pulled out a bit of dried fruit and some lembas, and started munching away.

"You know," she said, in an effort to strike up some conversation to break the uncomfortable silence. "No matter how many times you eat this stuff, it's still good." She turned to Kira. "Don't you think—"

She stopped.

Kira was slumped against the rock, with her head lolling back, and her water bottle loosely clutched in her hand. Her overly ample chest rose and fell gently. Her face was peaceful, more peaceful than it had been in a long time. Kate still had a picture in her mind of the look of anguish that had been on Kira's face when Fimalda had gone up in flames in front of them, and when she'd found out that Calenmir/Elenna had died. Kate was sure that her own face had been no different during those times.

It was nice to see Kira's face so peaceful, although Kate could tell that it was a bit flushed. Even in the waning light of Mordor evening, she could see that, and it worried her.

"I wonder how her shoulder's doing," Kate said quietly. "I'm—I'm kind of worried. Who knows what kind of diseases we're susceptible to, being from another world and all. And she used to get sick a lot back home, too. Every time I talked to her, she'd have a cold or an ear infection or something. If she gets really sick, there might not be any way to keep her from…from…dying…"

Gimli and Éowyn shared a brief wordless look, then turned back to Kate.

"When she wakes, she should let me look at her wound," Gimli put in. "Dwarvish medicine may pale in comparison to that of the Elves, or of the men of Gondor, but we know how to heal wounds and care for the injured in our own right. It is necessary to know such things when our race spends so much time on the battlefield. And I do remember some of the things the Elves taught me in Valinor—though I must admit, I was far more interested in the architecture. At any rate, it would be better than leaving the wound untended."

"If only the King was his proper self," Éowyn said. "He would surely be able to heal her."

"As would Lord Elrond," said Gimli, "or the Lady Galadriel. Unfortunately, we are the only ones left uncorrupted," he said ruefully.

"Wait…the Lady Galadriel?" Kate interjected. "Was that what Kira wanted to ask—"

She would have said more, but she was stricken by sudden and intense fear, like a hand of cold steel gripping her heart. The color drained out of her face and she cowered on the ground, her eyes shut tight as Gimli, his own face pale behind his beard, gripped his axe and Éowyn unsheathed her sword with a terrified gasp.

They all knew what was passing overhead.

An unearthly cry filled the air, from far up in the dark clouds; heart-quelling, cruel, and cold. Kate whimpered and trembled as their fears were confirmed.

A winged Nazgûl, a Fell Rider, was in the air above them.

*****

"This sucks."

Jay nodded in agreement with her partner.

"Yes. Yes, it does."

The two seasoned Assassins, and Agent Sue, sat on a flat rock jutting out of the lush Rohirric grass and watched the PPC's newest recruits try to be anything other than incompetent, bumbling idiots.

They weren't doing a very good job of it.

Though the newbies had killed that Ent Sue in Fangorn, they'd nearly fried the poor Ents in the process, and had botched up the extermination of the other two Mary Sues. Acacia (who had proven to have a good eye for spotting out Sue locations in the scrambled up Words) had figured out that the Mary Sues might have gone to Theoden's Hall. Unfortunately, the Assassins didn't have the Mary Sue ability to whiz from place to place in the blink of an eye, so even though the geography was extremely distorted, it still took them a rather long time to get across the plains in between.

It didn't help that several new recruits popped in again in the fields of Rohan.

In any case, they had come to Edoras too late. There were two Mary Sues there already, and the newest recruits managed to kill them off, but they didn't fit Bilbo's description of the Dragon-riding Mary Sues who had been near the Lonely Mountain. They had been so close in Fangorn. So close…

At least some the new recruits they picked up seemed more capable than their predecessors were. Eva was somewhat proficient with her sword, and quite talented with daggers. She seemed a bit too good-natured for an Assassin, and was horrible with a bow, but at least she wasn't insane like the other newbies. Apparently, she knew quite a few forms of martial arts, too. Marti was even more good-natured, if that was even possible. She was a bit hesitant most of the time, and thought for a long time before she spoke, but she seemed rather quick-witted despite that. She was pretty much horrible with a sword, but the Assassins were pleased to note that she was extremely gifted with a staff.

Unfortunately, staffs, swords, and daggers weren't exactly the weapons of an Assassin. They were weapons more often used in the collection of intelligence. And their disguises! None of them had a clue about camouflage. What was up with all these Nazgûl? Eva had been yet another Nazgûl, and Marti had shown up disguised as none other than Sauron himself, sending the new recruits into terrified hysterics. Fortunately Agent Sue had D.O.R.K.S and was able to make them look like Rohirrim. But still, these recruits just weren't Assassin material…

Well, except for Kuro Shin. Then again, Kuro Shin wasn't a new recruit. She was a transfer from the Department of Anime, and she knew what she was doing. She had come to Rohan disguised as one of the Rohirrim, for one thing. Her bow was of Noldorien make, and on the tips of her arrows was an extract of sleep flowers from Lórien's garden in Valinor. She was also armed to the teeth with concealed weapons.

Well, at least Jay and Acacia thought she was. That was the thing with concealed weapons—if you knew they were there, they weren't concealed.

Not only did she have the weaponry, she knew how to use it. And she was very stealthy. When you're in fandoms with ninjas, that was kind of a survival trait. She was also agile, she was lightning fast, and she knew Tae Kwon Do…

She was deadly.

Currently, she was trying to train all the new recruits (who were now disguised as Rohirrim) how to use their weapons without chopping off their own limbs (or the limbs of their fellow recruits, for that matter) while Jay, Acacia, and Agent Sue sat and watched, clucking with disapproval. Kuro Shin's talk went something like this:

"Hika, just—just hold it right there…No, no! Not on that end! That's the pointy end! You'll cut your thumb off…Sprite, daggers are not meant to used as back-scratchers…San! Stop! Just stop! I said stop it! San! SAN! You should not jam your cello bow up—SAN! No, just, uh, just try a B flat. It might work better…C-Chan…" She sighed. "C-chan, stop chasing Hika! It was an accident, I'm sure, and it'll grow back…maybe…well, probably not, but you don't need it anyway." Another sigh. "Eva, I'm going to just put you over here, and Marti, I'm putting you far away from everybody else…yes, now practice for a little while, and try not to kill anyone else…"

There was a lot of wordless screaming, giggling, and whining going on in the background, of course.

"I'm surprised they managed to kill those two Mary Sues in Theoden's Hall," Jay remarked.

"Actually, it was sort of an accident," Agent Sue said with an eyeroll. "Hika said that Frodo was better looking than Figwit, and Sprite lunged after her with her daggers, but San tripped Hika for fun, so Sprite accidentally stabbed one of the Mary Sues instead. Then Hika got up and tried to stab San, but Ala made a lunge towards the other Mary Sue with her katana, and the 'Sue dived out of the way, right between Hika and San. She got the blow meant for Hika." She sighed. "Morons."

"We couldn't exactly see what was going on. We were a little occupied keeping Marti from tackling Legolas," Acacia snorted. "Some of these recruits are worse than Mary Sues when it comes to lust objects. We may have to assassinate Hika if she ever gets near Frodo."

"No assassinating recruits, Acy," Jay remarked.

"Why not? They're annoying. And if they glomp lust objects they're technically Mary Sues."

"We're short-staffed, and glomping isn't a charge."

"Well, it should be."

The two Assassins bickered amongst themselves as Agent Sue sat and silently watched the new Assassins nearly kill themselves with their own weapons. She was feeling rather gloomy. Unusually gloomy. So gloomy she didn't even feel much like cursing, bitching, or making snide comments, a rare change for her. She suspected that it was the job. It was starting to wear on her. And she couldn't get out of it. The contract was bullet-proof. She'd almost wished that she'd never agreed to start working for the PPC in the first place, though considering that the only other options at the time had been assassination or being left to die in a volcanic eruption, she hadn't had much of a choice. One good thing about joining the PPC was that it meant that eventually (and with some difficulty) Makes-Things had managed to get her back to her son.

Her son…

That's why she was so gloomy. Of course. She missed the little rugrat.

And she was worried. Back at the very beginning, when her life had started going to hell, Mary Sue had been sucked into Mordor at the end of Lord of the Rings, as, well, a Mary Sue. At that time she'd had no idea whether or not she'd ever be able to get home. But then the PPC found her, she'd managed to avoid getting killed, and she'd eventually managed get back to him. Now she was stuck again, and the PPC couldn't get her back this time. Hell, they couldn't get themselves back. It was the same old nightmare all over again.

And something truly horrible was going on. She wasn't sure what, but something was seriously wrong with Middle-Earth, and none of the PPC's remote activators were working, so they couldn't escape it. It couldn't be coincidence. They couldn't all be broken. Something wasn't right…

Was she ever going to see her son again?

All she wanted right then was to be back home in a stuffy kitchen making brownies with her boy-child. She would have given anything for it. Even her best bottle of fine Kentucky bourbon, sitting back home in the cupboard. Mmm, bourbon…Irish whiskey…Jose Cuervo…

I could really use something to drink right now. Shame I don't have anything—

She stopped suddenly as she spotted the outline of a bottle in her pack. A mischevious grin crossed her face as she reached for it.

Oh, yeeaaah…

However, she didn't have a chance to try the long-neglected Dwarf ale, as Ala had returned from Edoras with some bows and quivers of arrows that she'd nicked from the armory.

"Okay, everyone have a bow? I'm going to teach all of you archery," Kuro Shin began.

Jay, Acacia, and Mary Sue promptly ducked behind the rock they'd been sitting on.

"Now, first I need you to—"

TWANG!

A scream split the air.

"Eggplant!" San said, pumping her arm in victory. Before anyone else could make a sound, Hika interrupted.

"FRODO!" she shrieked loudly, causing C-chan and Marti to cover their ears in pain.

"What?" Jay said, cautiously peeking over the rock.

Next to her Acacia was still hissing, "See! They're out of control! I'm telling you, glomping should be—"

"Frodo! Frodo's in the Words!" Hika cried gleefully.

"He is?" Acacia asked incredulously, looking at the excited recruit.

"Look!" Hika pointed, and they all looked at the Words. Indeed, his name was there, scrambled in with all the rest. So was Sam's. Near both the hobbit's names they saw the words "black," "dark," "evil," "hopeless." Then there was another word. Once again Acacia was the one to spot it.

"Look! 'Gogiroth!'" she said, pointing at the word.

"'Gogiroth?'" Agent Mary Sue repeated with an eyeroll. "How goddamn hard could it be to look it up in the book or on the internet? For chrissakes!"

"Grab your stuff! We're moving!" Acacia barked.

"Wait, we're going…there?" Agent Sue asked incredulously. "No way in hell! I'm not going back there! That's how all this crap started!"

"We're going," Jay said sternly, and turned to the recruits. "Well? What are you waiting for? Get moving!"

The recruits quickly made ready to leave. Fortunately, as they had also snagged some food from Edoras, they were well prepared for the journey. Kuro Shin yanked San's arrow out of her boot, where it had (thankfully) hit the rubber sole, and glared at San, who grinned and went, "Moop! To Mordor we will go! To Mordor we will go! Hi-ho spaghettio, to Mordor we will go!"

"We don't need show-tunes!" C-Chan reprimanded San.

"Moop!"

Mary Sue rolled her eyes.

Acacia was right. This sucked.

"Moop!"

*****

Kira woke with a start, and feeling her move next to her, Kate opened her eyes. Kira opened her mouth to scream, but Kate grabbed her and clamped a hand over her face. She thrashed and struggled for a moment, but Kate held her fast, and hissed, "Quiet! There's a Nazgûl flying over us!"

Kira froze, squinched her eyes shut, and Kate took her hand away from her mouth. The two sat huddled together, eyes closed, shaking all over with fear.

Finally, the shrill cries faded. The terror left them. The Nazgûl had flown away, leaving them alone in the empty Mordor twilight. They gave a collective sigh of relief and relaxed (somewhat). Éowyn sheathed her sword, and Gimli finally released his grip on his ax, though his hands were shaking quite visibly. Kate released her grip on Kira, and the two sat shivering for a long while. Kira was the first to speak.

"That'sss definitely not sssomething you typically want to wake up to, my preciousss."

"Why did this place have to be normal?" Kate whimpered. "Why can't Lórien, or Rivendell, or some other nice place be the way it should be?"

"Mosst of the Mary Sssue writersss haven't read the bookss. They haven't gotten thisss far yet. Like the Barrow-downss and Tom Bombadil'sss, thiss place is relatively unaffected." Kira slowly stood and timidly peeked out of the crack they were hiding in. She cast her gaze towards the fire-rimmed volcano that towered over them. A rather disconcerted look came over her face. "How long did we march?"

"For about three hours," Gimli estimated. It was hard to tell time without the sun, but the Dwarf was used to it, having spent much of his life underground.

"We sshouldn't be thisss far," Kira pointed out, looking perplexed. "We're already halfway acrosss the Plainss of Gorgoroth. It sshould have taken longer than that. A day or two, at leasst. And due to geographical disstortionss, we didn't even have to passs over the Fallss of Raurosss, the Dead Marsshess, and the Ephel Duath—not that I'm complaining, mind you, ssince we managed to avoid Sshelob and the Tower of Cirith Ungol. But my point iss that thiss placce issn't entirely unaffected. Travel'ss sstill fasster here than it'sss ssuppossed to be, and that could be to our advantage."

"So it should only take another three hours to get to Mount Doom," Éowyn clarified.

"Bassically."

"And why exactly are we going to Mount Doom?" Éowyn questioned.

Kira's eyes narrowed slightly. "Because it ssseemss like a reassonable place for the Bridge to be," she said huffily. She started to walk in the direction of the mountain, but Kate put her hands on her hips and stamped her foot down.

"Before we go anywhere, you're going to let Gimli look at your shoulder, Kira," she said firmly.

Kira rolled her eyes. "I'm fine! Anyway, we don't have time." She grabbed her pack and started to climb out of the crack, but Kate pulled her back down and plopped her on the ground.

"Hey!"

"Éowyn, can you hold her down?" Kate asked.

"Easily," Éowyn said, and grabbed Kira's forearms and held her where she sat. The half-gollum struggled, but couldn't escape the iron grip of the warrior who had defeated the Witch-King. Gimli rummaged in his pack and pulled out various herbs that he'd brought from Lórien.

"Lemme go! I'm fine!" Kira grunted while thrashing furiously. Kate ignored her, reached over, pulled the shoulder strap of her pack out of the way, and pulled down the right shoulder of her tunic.

"Just let us—eep!"

Éowyn gasped.

"Oh, my—" said Gimli.

Even in the fading light they could see it. A hole was gaping in her flesh, and green pus was issuing out of it. The skin around it was black and rotten, and was sloughing off. A horrible smell came up from the wound, making the three of them gag. Kate felt like she was going to throw up. It was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen in her life.

"I'm fi—"

"You're not fine! You're in denial!" Kate yelled. "I knew we should have gone to Elrond!"

"SSSH! Do want that Nazgûl to come back?!" Kira hissed. "Bessidess, Elrond'ss Sssued and the PPC would expect uss there. We need to find the Bridge and—"

"We can't find the Bridge if you're dead!" Kate screamed. "How many times do I have to reiterate that? And why didn't you get Galadriel to—"

"I tried, okay?! I tried! And sshe couldn't. Shhe wasss too out of it, my preciouss. She couldn't even remember ssimple firsst aid! And I tried to take care of it on my own, after I found out she couldn't fix it. I tried to cleaning it, but it'ss too far gone now, my preciouss!" Kira lowered her head and stared at her feet miserably. Kate's anger faded, and she looked with more sympathy at her friend.

"Well, why didn't you ask Gimli or Éowyn for help sooner?" she asked. Gimli was ignoring the conversation and mixing various herbs and mushing them up in a little wooden bowl he'd produced from his pack.

"Kate, for pity'ss ssake, I—"

She stopped as Gimli put a bunch of herbs in his mouth, chewed them up, and spit them in the bowl.

"Ewww," Kira whined, looking disgusted. "That'ss unssanitary!"

Gimli merely grunted as he mixed it all together into a greenish-brown, lumpy paste, and smeared his fingers into the bowl.

"This is going to sting," he warned.

"Now, wait a ssecond—"

He smeared it on the wound.

Kira used every curse in every language she knew. Considering that she was a rather bad girl, and had spent many hours online researching curses in everything from Japanese to Romani, that was quite a few cusswords. The canon characters didn't know what most of the words meant, but they could deduce their basic meanings at the least. Seeing the flabbergasted looks on their faces, Kira stopped in the middle of her set of German curses and apologized.

"Ss-ssorry. My friendss alwayss sssaid that I cusssed like a sssailor on sshore leave. But jeez, that hurt."

"If you had taken care of the wound sooner, and at least washed it when you first got hit with the arrow, this wouldn't hurt as much," Gimli admonished, putting more of the green gunk on her back, where the arrow had passed through her body.

"Owowowowowowowowowowow!" Kira panted, tears in her eyes.

"Should you not wash it now?" Éowyn asked. "I know this salve will be of some help, but—"

"It will clean the wound much better than water could alone, and unless you haven't noticed our current predicament, we don't have much to spare." Gimli shook the rest of the gunk out of his had, and with his clean hand, reached into his pack and pulled out some rags. He poured a tiny bit of water on his hand, and wiped it clean with a rag. He made a mental note not to touch his eyes with that hand until he was able to wash it more thoroughly. With how nasty Kira's infection was, he had no doubt it would spread easily, and he didn't want to risk giving himself a blinding eye infection.

He motioned towards the other clean rags. "To bandage that part of her shoulder, it will have to be wrapped around her…er…chest," Gimli said to Éowyn. Kira rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"I will handle it," said Éowyn calmly. Gimli handed her the bandages and he and Kate respectfully turned away as the dwarf busied himself with cleaning out his bowl. After a minute or so, the profuse cursing stopped.

"I'm finished," Éowyn reported, and they turned around again. Annoyed, Kira grabbed her pack and started to climb out of the rift.

"Coming? We have a world to save, you know," she snapped.

Kate begrudgingly grabbed her own pack, muttering something along the lines of, "—even more stubborn than my mom! Sheesh!" and followed close behind. Gimli started after them, but Éowyn grabbed his shoulder.

"Will that be enough?" she asked, nodding towards Kira.

"No," he said grimly and quietly. "It will give her more time, but the wound is far beyond my skill to heal. Kate was right in both things that she said. Kira is ill-equipped to deal with the illnesses of our world, and she should see Lord Elrond, or the Elessar as soon as possible."

"If she doesn't?"

There was a long pause.

"Then," he finally said, with a great deal of remorse in his voice, "she will die. Even if she is brought to Lord Elrond soon, it still may not be enough. You know as well as I that great warriors have fallen to festering wounds like that, or lost limbs at the very least."

Éowyn's face hardened. "How long do you think she has left?" she asked quietly, glancing at the bickering girls climbing out of the crack.

"Days. A week or two, at most. Then she will collapse into fever, then sleep, and then…" Gimli drifted off into silence. He didn't need to tell Éowyn what came after that.

"And you say that she knows?"

"Yes, I think she does. I think that is why she is so eager to find the Bridge. She knows she doesn't have much time left. Kate does not. She knows that this is a grave matter, of course, but it seems to me that she thinks Kira has more time than that. And I think Kira would rather have it that way."

Éowyn nodded. "We must finish the Quest soon then. Perhaps then, they can go home and Kira can find healing in her own world. Or at least have the chance to die in her own world, among the people she loves." She climbed out of the crack, and murmered quietly to herself in the most sorrowful tone Gimli had ever heard her use.

"Only children…"