(Insert creative disclaimer here.)

The song "Summertime" comes from the musical Porgy and Bess, written by George Gershwin. My mom (and this is Saphie, by the way) used to sing it to me when I was little, and to this day, I think it's one of the best lullabies ever.

The song Sams sings comes from The Return of the King.

*****

Warning: This chapter is one that certainly warrants the PG-13 rating. Those who are squeamish and/or dislike giant, ravenous, carnivorous, people-eating spiders may need to proceed with caution. If you thought Fimalda's flamey death was bad (ominous dot dot dot)

*****

Suedom

by and Andy and Saphie

Chapter 16: Spider Rodeo

*****

"Noo!" Kira groaned, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the magma. "Dammit! It's sssupposssed to be here!"

Beside her, Kate sighed. "We'll have to try someplace else."

"Where? The ssstupid Bridge could sssstill be anywhere! Where do we go now?" Kira ranted.

"We can discuss it with Gimli once we're away from here!" Éowyn shouted over the noise. "I dislike these conditions for talking!"

"I disslike thesse conditionsss in general. Let'sss g--"

"Hey! She did it again!" Kate suddenly yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Lossenedheliel. "She kicked a rock at me!"

"Let'ssss throw her in the volcano then," Kira suggested jokingly.

"I do not think--" Éowyn started to say, but she was drowned out by Kate's cheer.

"YAY! One fried 'Sue, coming up!" she cried, and made as if to push Lossenedheliel over the edge. The 'Sue shrieked behind her gag and tried to get away, but Éowyn grabbed the girls' shoulders and pulled them back.

"I do not think that is a good idea," she said firmly to Kate.

"I was just kidding!" Kate objected. "I wouldn't throw her in. Not really."

"Nevertheless, you should not jest about doing so. An accident here could cost someone their life," Éowyn said, her voice stern and her eyes hard. Kate scuffed her feet on the ground shamefacedly. She'd only been joking, but Éowyn was right. And Lossenedheliel, bitchy or not, was still a real person deep down inside.

"Sorry," she said to the Sue, and made for the opening out of the mountain. Kira trailed after her and Éowyn followed up, slightly disturbed. She had gotten the impression that Kate was the gentler, if not sillier, half of the two girls. Excess silliness was going to get her in trouble, if she wasn't more careful. A small mistake in Mount Doom could mean a plunge into the lava and certain death.

And, Éowyn reminded herself, she had to keep in mind that it was still possible the girls weren't exactly who they said they were.

No matter how fond of them she was becoming.

*****

Gimli could tell by the girls' downcast faces that they had had no luck, and said nothing as they and Éowyn rejoined him and the hobbits with Lossenedheliel in tow. Sam and Frodo were awake now, but because night was falling they were waiting for the day--the proper time for them to continue up the mountain--to return. Frodo watched the girls as they sat down, but this time he seemed…indifferent to them. Before, the hobbit had clearly not desired the company of the two strange young women at all, but he no longer edged away slightly when they drew close to him.

It was almost as if he were beginning to trust them.

"Gimli, Kira hit her shoulder while we were up there," Kate said as she sat down next to the Dwarf. "Maybe you should look at it?"

"I told you, I'm FINE!" Kira snapped. "God, Kate, will you quit fusssing over me?"

"I'm just concerned!" Kate objected, looking hurt. "And you know as well as I do that you don't just have a scraped knee or a blister or something you'd get back at home. I just don't want to see anything bad happen to you, okay?"

"Nothing's gonna happen. I feel fine. So just drop it, okay?"

"But I--"

"Drop it!"

"Just let Gimli put some more herb-stuff on."

"NO!"

"Quiet!" Éowyn put in, glancing around. "Do you want to draw an army of orcs to this place? Your voices are loud enough to raise the dead." Luckily, she was exaggerating.

"The lass is right, anyway," Gimli said, standing up and rummaging through his pack. "It's time to change your bandage and clean the wound. And if you object, I know of a good blade close at hand that could remove the limb in question…"

"Fine! Fine!" Kira said, jumping up. No way she wanted Gimli getting ideas involving her body parts and an axe. How he could deal with a shoulder wound with an axe was a mystery to Kira, and she wanted it to stay that way. Scrambling behind a large rock, she unwound her bandages and pulled her sleeve down so that the Dwarf could tend to her wound.

To keep her mind off the pain of having her shoulder cleaned she glanced towards the oasis at the bottom of the mountain. It was still there. Apparently, the canon was still so messed up that the damage wasn't going away like it was supposed to when separated from it's Mary Sue. Then again, Lossenedheliel was still alive, even if she wasn't actively governing the story anymore.

Apparently Sam was thinking about the exact same thing. "We thought it would have gone by now," he commented, tilting his head towards the oasis. "But with her still here, it's staying."

"It's not that bad a mistake, considering," Kate said. "Well, it is bad in the sense that it really, really shouldn't be here, but it's not bad as in harmful. At least, I don't think so."

"It could be worse," Éowyn added. "It may be useful. Now that we know the Bridge isn't here, we can leave this accursed country and make for more welcoming areas, and if the spring is still there when we leave we can refill our water supplies."

Kira winced as Gimli applied the salve and trussed her up again like a woman from the 19^th century. She would have had more room to breathe wearing a corset rather than those stupid bandages. She was glad when he was done.

"Lucky the Don't-drink-water-from-Mordor rule doesssn't apply to Sssuvian ssprings, issn't it?" Kira commented as she and Gimli returned to the group. "Elssse we'd be in bad ssshape. Guesss we owe her that."

"Yeah," Kate murmured. "Where should we go next, then?"

"What about Gondor?" Gimli suggested. "It is close, and with plenty of places to hide a bridge."

"Good call. Maybe while we're there, we can get Aragorn to look at Kira's shoulder!" Kate suggested.

"If he is enough himself to do so, it would be wise," Gimli said.

"I bet he will be," Kate said confidently. "Most Sue writers haven't read the Return of the King book, so by the time we get there, Aragorn will probably be himself!"

Hope flared up in Kira's heart. If Aragorn really is himself, he'll be able to heal my shoulder. He has to be able to…

"You mean to say that some of the girls who write these stories that twist our world so have not even read the books that speak of our tale?" Éowyn said, clearly surprised. "Why wouldn't they try and find out everything they could before trying to create a story about Middle-Earth?"

Kate shrugged. "They say they don't have time. Or they just thought the book was boring." Here she and Kira twitched simultaneously. "Or they think Middle-Earth is just generic Fantasyland and they can do whatever they want in it. You wouldn't believe how many stories about Middle-Earth have Unicorns and Fairies in them…"

"Uni…what? What is a fairy?" Éowyn asked.

"My point exactly," Kate said. "They don't exist here. I think the thing is, they just don't care enough to put that kind of work into their story. If they did, they'd do the research and do their best to make sure they were writing the best fanfiction possible," she said stubbornly. "But they don't. And it bothers me so much."

"I can underssstand not having time to read the booksss, I guesss," Kira said. "Although I don't agree with it. Lotsss of kidsss are really busssy with sssschool and other stuff. And the Lord of the Ringsss are really big booksss, and I guesss they're a little hard to read. But they're great! They're the bessst bookssss ever!" she added vehemently.

"A bunch of the ones who haven't read the books keep asking if Aragorn is going to die," Kate said, partially to herself. "And then all the people who have read the books just say 'of course he dies, you stupid git, he's mortal!' And then someone goes 'no he doesn't!' and everyone argues. It's quite silly." She paused. "I wonder what death is like…"

While Kira was surprised that Kate was thinking of something so morbid…she had to admit that now that she was with people who had died already, she wanted to know too.

"Do you remember anything about dying?" she asked Éowyn.

The shieldmaiden looked thoughtful for a moment, during which the girls waited expectantly, then answered, "No. Only…only a memory of a feeling remains. A feeling of peace…of belonging…"

"Of new adventure," Sam added. "That's what I remember. And not like Mr. Frodo and my's adventure, either, mind you. Nor like Mr. Bilbo's there and back again adventure. It was something entirely different, not dark or hopeless, and there certainly wasn't no coming back again…It was like…like…" Sam sighed. "I can't rightly put it to words."

"Can you remember anything Gimli?" Kate asked the dwarf, who had been silent thus far.

"I am thinking," Gimli grunted. "Trying to find the right words for it." After a moment of careful thought, he sighed. "But there are no words for it. It would be like trying to explain rain to someone who has lived their whole life in a desert." He looked thoughtful again. "I do know that it is nothing to be feared."

Kate and Kira were horribly disappointed at their answers, as they had wanted far more details than the old standby of: "Death is only the beginning." The group sat quietly for a while, when a voice broke the silence, by saying, "There was a tree."

All eyes turned to the source of the voice.

Staring wearily up at the dark sky, Frodo said again, "There was a tree."

"A tree?" Kira asked.

"A great tree," Frodo said, "with silver bark and leaves of green and gold--each leaf entirely unique, as if someone had taken great pains to paint them one by one. And a thick trunk and spiraling branches that twisted up to the sky."

He paused for a moment, closed his eyes, and with them closed, murmured, "There were mountains in the distance…and forests made up of other trees--though none were nearly as beautiful as the great tree. And there was something far beyond the mountains, something greater, something…important." He opened his eyes. "It was like being in a painting…"

"Do you remember anything else?" Kira asked.

"No," Frodo said, and he shut his eyes again.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing at all," he murmured sleepily. "And I am not even sure what I saw was really from death or merely a dream…"

He fell into silence. Kate glanced at him, then raised her eyes to the sky. The clouds were still being held back and the stars shone through.

"I guess not all uncanonicality is entirely bad," Kate said, happy at the sight of the stars.

"Mmm-hmm. I almossst feel ssafe. You’d never expect that in thisss place."

"The Eye cannot see us here," Frodo murmured, surprising them all by talking. They had thought him to be asleep. "This is where the Enemy is blindest." He paused. "I do not know why…"

"It’sss the canon," Kira said, dredging up the memory of her talk with Galadriel.

They had left Lórien, what, a day ago? Already it seemed a lifetime away…

"Galadriel ssaid that the true hisstory of Arda triesss to presserve itsself. It keepsss the Enemy from knowing about the true purpossse of the Quessst. No matter how many timesss you dessstroy the Ring."

A pale greenish light flickered in her eyes as she mentioned the Ring. Out of the corner of her eye, Éowyn saw it, but gave no sign that she had. None of the others seemed to have noticed it. Instinctively, Éowyn's hand strayed towards her sword-hilt.

"I think…if stars took mortal bodies, they would be the Elves," Kate said suddenly. Kira glanced at her friend, and the light in her eyes faded. Éowyn's hand relaxed.

"Yeah," Kira said, looking at the patch of clear sky. "Yeah, that ssoundsss about right."

"But Elves are immortal," Frodo reminded Kate.

"Oh. Yeah. Well…I just mean that if a star were to come out of the sky and take a body suitable for Middle-Earth, then they'd be Elves. Maybe that's what the Valar meant them to be, when they created them--stars with bodies. Not like I am, just some voluptuous human with pointy ears," she added, glancing down at Fishywishylishiel's body.

Wow, thought Kira, with the slightest of smiles. She didn't stutter like a moron that time. She's improving.

Frodo chuckled weakly. "I believe you've hit the nail on the head. 'If stars took mortal form, that would be an Elf…'"

Kate was fiercely glad no one could see how much she was blushing in the dark.

Throughout the talk, Lossenedheliel had been awfully quiet. Normally the Sue made herself known by muttering under her breath or doing various other things to cause the others distraction, but for the past few minutes she'd been awfully quiet. It was almost as if she were thinking to herself--if thinking was even something a Mary Sue was capable of…

"Do you think we should try and un-Sue her?" Kate whispered to Kira. "I do feel kind of bad for pretending to push her into Mount Doom, and she really is irritating this way. I don't think she could be much worse…"

"I hope you're right," Kira muttered. "But how do we do it? If she created that bunny--" here she shuddered "--herself, she probably knows about Monty Python."

"I'll give it a shot. Hey you!" Kate said, poking Lossenedheliel, who jumped. "What is your quest?"

Lossenedheliel only glared daggers at her, and Kate stuck her tongue out in response.

"Damn. Well, lesssee, what elsse can we do? I haven't got any idea what elsse un-Ssuess Ssuess. Who knowss what her hobbiesss and favorite bookss and moviesss are…" Kira muttered.

"I think…maybe we could try talking about home in front of her, you know?" Kate suggested. "School and parents and all the stuff she's probably got back home."

Kira shrugged. "It'ss worth a try. You go first."

"'Kay."

So Kate plunged into a detailed discussion of daily life with Kira, about everything she could think of. She talked about piano lessons, and how she didn’t think she was ever going to pass the quiz her instructor kept giving her. She talked about late nights up with a book when everyone else in the house was asleep. She talked about the way her birds screeched constantly around mid-day sometimes and how she and her mother always ended up getting frustrated and loosing their tempers with each other whenever her mom was trying to help her with math homework.

Kira, in turn, talked about school and how much she hated having to dissect things in biology, and how her little sister would bother her when she was talking on the phone, but how she adored her anyway. She went into great detail about school and all the excursions she had with her friends back home--during which excursions, said friends and her did some mischievous things that often verged on the illegal, but were certainly fun.

By the time each was done, they were both feeling terribly sad. They missed their homes awfully, and talking about them this much had reminded them just how much. They'd succeeded in getting themselves terribly depressed.

That wasn't all they'd succeeded in.

"We forgot about you-know-who," Kate mentioned, gesturing towards Lossenedheliel.

"What? Oh…" Kira looked up at the Sue, and stared. Tears were running down Lossenedheliel's face as she stared at them, and her expression was probably as sad as theirs were.

"Careful, she could jusst be trying to fool uss," Kira warned, walking up to Lossenedheliel. She stared into the Sues eyes, and was surprised to see that they were completely clear, instead of being glassy and clouded over.

"I'm gonna take off your gag, now," Kira told her. "And you're not gonna try to sspeak in Elvish or anything. Got it?"

Lossenedheliel nodded, and Kira started reaching for the gag.

"What are you doing?" Éowyn asked, as she saw what Kira was doing.

"You can't let her go! Remember what happened last time?" Sam cried fearfully.

"Relax!" Kate said. "She's not a Mary Sue anymore. At least…I don't think so."

"How can you tell?"

"I can't," Kate admitted. "But I think Kira can."

Kira said nothing. For a moment more she only stared into Lossenedheliel's face, and into her eyes, almost as if she was searching for something. Then, seeming satisfied, as if she had found what she was looking for, she removed Lossenedheliel's gag. Instantly the Sue's head dropped down and tears dripped down her face.

"Ooh," she moaned, all traces of her former bossy overpowering Sue-induced voice gone, replaced by that of a simple girl who was in way over her head. "Ooh. My mom is going to kill me."

"She's un-Sued, all right," Kate reassured the group.

"What'ss your name?" Kira asked.

"Zoe," Los--er, Zoe said. "I want to go home now, please," she whimpered.

"Sorry. We haven't quite worked that part out yet," Kate said, rather stiffly if truth be told. She still hadn't quite gotten over what Zoe, under the guise of Lossenedheliel, had been doing to Frodo earlier.

"I didn't mean for it to be like this!" Zoe continued. "I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or mess anywhere up, but then you two come along and say I am, and I didn't mean to…"

"It'ss not your fault," Kira said. "You were brainwashed into being ssomeone elsse'ss character."

"Nooo," Zoe moaned again. "Not someone else's character. Mine!"

Kate and Kira fell silent. But not for long.

"You actually wrote this?" Kate exclaimed, her eyes widening with horror.

"I didn't know I was messing Middle-Earth up, okay?" Zoe snapped. "I just thought…I just thought Frodo deserved a pretty girl, you know, someone to keep him company while he was going to destroy the Ring! Someone who could protect him without him having to worry about her trying to take the Ring either! Someone--"

"--who was perfect in every way, huh?" Kira finished.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Kate and Kira stared at each other. They couldn't really fault that part.

"I know you think I don't care about Middle-Earth. But I do!" Zoe insisted.

"Wow, you were listening then?" Kate asked. Zoe ignored her.

"I mean, I read the Hobbit and stuff, and it was okay. I tried to read the other books, but I just couldn't get into it! Then I saw the movie, and it just made everything make sense. I looked some stuff up on the internet about Mordor and used what it looked like in the movie for the story since I didn't read the books…And I really, really liked Frodo and…I mean, I thought about it…"

She suddenly broke down into hysterical tears. "I didn't actually want it to happen! I didn't even write about it! I just hinted! I…I…I was still a virgin!" she sobbed.

Kate and Kira looked at each other in a mutual, wide-eyed: Oh.

"Poor kid," Kira said. "She ssounds pretty young. Can you imagine having, er, fantassiess like that when you were younger, but then actually acting them out? How traumatizing…"

"Oh dear…" Kate murmured, her disgust at what Zoe had written conflicting with her instincts to comfort a lost, scared little girl. The volume of Zoe's sobs was escalating, and now the canon characters were staring at her. Kira glanced pleadingly at Kate, her expression clearly saying, 'Do something, for the love of all things Tolkien!'

Kate bent down and put her arms around Zoe's shoulders and gently rocked the girl back and forth, shushing her quietly as Kira undid the ties around Zoe's hands and feet. "It's all right. Calm down, you've got to keep quiet in this place. You'll be o--"

But Zoe pushed Kate violently away once her hands were free. "What do you think you're doing, wench? You tried to push me into the volcano! You'll pay for what you've done, I'll…" Suddenly the anger in her eyes was replaced by panic. "Oh no…Help me! She's trying to take over again! Don't let me lose myself again, please!" and she moved back towards the only source of comfort she could find at the moment (namely Kate). With some misgivings, Kate put her arms around the girl again and continued to rock her.

"Tell me about your school. Tell me about your family, your friends, your life at home…" she suggested.

"I'm tired," Zoe whimpered. "I miss my mom. I want to go home. I want to go to sleep…"

"What do we do?" Kate whispered to Kira, who was thinking.

"I dunno. Help her get to sleep? Ssing her a lullaby or ssomething," she suggested, offhand. Kate glared at her.

"Is your memory that short? You want me to sing for someone? I'll never keep myself from submitting to Suedom if I actually do any singing for someone," she said. "You'll have to do it."

"What?" Kira blanched. "But I don't sssing!"

"Everyone sings," Kate said firmly.

"Not me! I don't sssound good."

"Please, Kira, just do it! No one cares what you sound like. Just sing the poor kid a song."

Kira stared at Kate, somewhat surprised. Gone was the silly little girl who she'd thought had to be looked-after, so that she wouldn't get herself into trouble. Instead, Kira saw a young woman who had seen someone in need of looking-after herself, and had risen to the occasion. Kate was still making soothing noises to Zoe, who sniffled and hiccuped occasionally in her arms as Kate projected maternal vibes all over the place. Kira had to admit she was startled by the sudden transformation. While she held the highest respect for her friend, she'd never really considered that Kate could be that mature when she acted so childish most of the time.

She'll make a good mom some day…She reminds me of my mom, Kira thought randomly, and was surprised at herself for thinking it.

"Okay," she conceded. "I'll try." She glanced at the canons a little self-consciously and sat up straight.

"My mom ussed to sssing this to me." She gulped and started to sing quietly, trying very hard to keep her S's under control.

Kira's voice, while not as refined as Kate's, wasn't bad. Zoe's shaking form began to go still in Kate's arms.

Your momma and poppa are waitin' for you, right nearby…

Kira finished, and blushed a little. She'd never really taken to singing and certainly wasn't as much of a music nut, or a ham, as Kate. So singing for a group was a little embarrassing.

"That was beautiful," Kate whispered.

"Is she asleep?" Kira asked quietly.

"Not yet," Zoe murmured, but her voice was slow and quiet, the kind of voice people use when they've reached the threshold of sleep and are just ready to start waking up or dreaming.

"Sam," Frodo said, just as softly, pity in his voice--which was somewhat surprising considering what Zoe had put him through. "How about the song you sang in Cirith Ungol? Let us hear it."

Sam blushed. "It's only a bit of rhyme," he said, reluctantly. "It doesn't compare at all to the songs we heard in Valinor. I just don't feel right singing it, after hearing the music over there."

"Go on. If I can do it, ssso can you," Kira said.

"Please, Sam. I would like to hear it again," Frodo wheedled. Sam sighed and stood up.

"All right, Mr. Frodo, but I don't think there's any good in it."

"Quietly, though," Kate whispered.

Sam nodded, put his hands behind his back, rocked on his heels, and sang quietly.

Kate had tears in her eyes now. That had probably been her favorite poem in all of the Lord of the Rings, and here she was, hearing it sung by Samwise Gamgee himself. It was a magical moment. Zoe was now breathing deeply in her arms, fast asleep, her face peaceful and childlike in the starlight. Frodo stared into the star-studded sky, his face pale and drawn in the faint light. The melody of Sam and Kira's songs danced in Kate's head, and tears rolled down her cheeks. The unlikely peace and hope that welled up within her in this, of all places, surprised her, and she welcomed it.

This was a moment she would cherish for as long as she lived, and she knew it.

"We should all get some rest," Éowyn said, reluctant to break the spell woven over the little group, but still the voice of reason. "We will need it."

"I can take first watch," Kate said. Éowyn nodded, and crept up to Kate's side, placing a hand on her shoulder. Her face was grim, and she was peering towards Kira and the hobbits.

"I will take next watch. No matter who offers, I will have it."

"Um, okay…" Kate answered, more than a little confused.

"Do you understand? No matter who offers next, wake me. Do not let anyone else take it."

Bewildered, Kate nodded, and Éowyn lay back with the rest and all were soon breathing deeply.

All except for one of them.

"Why didn't you sing?"

Frodo's voice startled Kate, who had just finished carefully laying Zoe on the ground. She glanced over at the hobbit and saw that though he was lying back, he wasn't asleep.

"You should go to sleep, Fro--er, Mr. Baggins. I can keep watch. I'm good at it by now," Kate said, suddenly sounding much like a little girl again.

"I intend to. But right now, I am refreshed, have a full mind, and I shall be exhausted tomorrow no matter what. I always am, on that particular day. I intend to relish feeling rested while I can, and I do not intend to squander it by sleeping. Why didn't you sing?"

Kate blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I know you do. I heard you when you carried me up the mountain."

"Oh. I thought…I thought you were asleep," Kate muttered. "I really love music. Back home I'm kind of an amateur musician. And I sing a lot…even more than Mary Sues do."

Frodo, who knew full well how often Mary Sues sang, looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah! But last time I was singing here, I kinda…got brainwashed into character." Kate admitted. "Although I really think it was because…someone upset me afterwards."

"Then why is it you sang on Mount Doom?"

"I forgot I wasn't supposed to, for a moment. And I didn't think anyone was listening anyway."

"I see." Frodo paused and sat up. "I never properly thanked you for carrying me up, by the way," Frodo said, looking evenly at her and knowing better by now than to acknowledge how the beautifully the starlight shone on Kate's thick, golden hair because for all he knew her natural hair may very well have been green and stringy.

"It was nothing," Kate said, in that quiet, bashful voice she'd begun using whenever Frodo talked to her. "I mean, it wasn't a problem or anything. I'm sorry Sam couldn't do it," she added.

"You need not apologize. None of this is your fault, as far as I'm told." He gestured to a rock in front of him. "Have a seat, lass. I reckon that rock is the finest chair in all of Mordor, and you look tired as well." He gave her a small, wry smile, and Kate felt her knees weaken. He had a nice smile, although his eyes remained slightly sad. She sat down upon the rock, biting her lip nervously.

"Good. Now, we can have a proper talk," Frodo said, as she seated herself.

"You want to talk to me?" Kate said, very surprised. "You actually want to talk to me? But I…I'm just…"

"The only one awake," Frodo finished. "And someone who can answer some of my questions. Unless you would prefer to sleep?"

"No," Kate answered quickly, her voice squeaking. She cleared her throat and added in what she hoped was a calmer, more mature-sounding voice, "No, no, I like to talk."

Frodo smiled. "Then you would get on well with Sam."

"He doesn't like me. I'm afraid I made a bad impression on him," Kate muttered. "Kira and I were both kind of rude to him about…something. It reminded us of something back home that was very funny, and Sam was taking it so seriously that we scoffed at him quite a bit. Then we almost got killed 'cause we didn't listen to him," she added. "So I expect we got what was coming to us."

Frodo shrugged. "Sam is naturally mistrustful of your kind. As am I."

Kate's face suddenly fell. "So…you still don't trust us?"

"To be honest, I do not."

Kate looked very sad. "I suppose I don't blame you. I'd be suspicious of me too," she said resignedly. "After all you've been through."

Frodo nodded. "I'm sure you know what happened the last time I placed my trust in the hands of someone I did not know."

"Yeah. I remember," Kate muttered, thinking of Gollum and his betrayal of the Hobbits in Cirith Ungol. "I suppose Kira and I…we're pretty suspicious. But if it helps any, I swear that I'm gonna be out of your hair by tomorrow. We're leaving for Gondor to go find the Bridge."

"I'll be glad when you've left," Frodo said bluntly. Kate looked hurt. "I'll be free to let my fate run its course, then," he clarified, sighing deeply with malcontent. "I do not look forward to what I must do tomorrow."

Kate was silent a moment. What do you say to something like that?

"Were you afraid?" she asked finally. Frodo looked straight at her.

"I have been afraid countless times. Of which particular moment of fear are you inquiring?" he asked.

Kate shrugged. "All of them, I guess…I mean, you always seemed so fearless. When I read about you," Frodo chuckled, and Kate wondered if he was recalling his conversation with Sam about how their adventures would be documented in books in the future. "You always seemed so brave. Standing up to Ringwraiths and barrow-wights…and everything you did! When I met up with a barrow-wight I was so scared I forgot everything--that I should stab it, the riddle to call Tom Bombadil, everything. It almost killed Kira before I remembered to get the sword. But you didn't, and you didn't even know it would work!" She was speaking quickly and animatedly now, her eyes shining with admiration, and a little shame. "You were amazing! I couldn't believe all the things you did! How all the way through it you were so wise and brave and even when things were darkest, you kept going…and I wish I were more like you. I'm so afraid I'm going to mess everything up, and I'm going to…going to…" She paused, choking back tears. "I'm so afraid I'll never see my home again. That I'll never give my mother a hug before I…and if I fail, Kira and Gimli and Éowyn and everyone will…will…"

Frodo looked at her strangely as she trailed off. Suddenly, he thought he could see past the façade Kate wore of a woman's body to the little girl underneath, a scared child with the responsibility of a world heaped on her shoulders, and longing for home. Her actions were childish enough, but he hadn't really considered how young she might be. By hobbit-reckoning, she could be no older than 30, at the very most. Why, his quest had been hard enough on him and he was fully grown, at fifty, when he had taken it up. And here she was, probably younger even than Pippin, and on a Quest to save the world with even less direction than he had been given. He hadn't realized before that (if Kate and Kira were telling the truth about who they were) she was just a little girl.

And she had chosen him to admire? In a world of so many people so much wiser, more experienced, and heroic than him, the idea was strange. It was odd, Frodo thought, that any child should take it into her head that he was different, that he was someone to be worshipped and admired. Surely she could do better to idolize Aragorn, or Gandalf, both great warriors whose valorous deeds far exceeded his. In Frodo's mind, he was nobody important. He had faced his fears and endured terrible pain, but he had given in, in the end. Though he realized that that was not his fault and had forgiven himself, the fact remained that in the very end, he had not had the strength to do the task given to him. Anyone else could have done the job he now was attempting to do, probably with the same results at the very end, if it had been them from the start instead of him.

Kate was crying now, trying hard to be silent. Frodo tapped her gently on the shoulder and she looked up.

"Courage has nothing to do with whether you are or are not afraid. If I am brave, it is only because I faced that which frightened me," he said. "If what I have heard about your adventure thus far is true, then you and your friend are quite as brave as I am."

Kate shook her head. "No, no we're not. We ran away and left people to die. When the assassins attacked Fimalda we ran like cowards. The girls back in Rohan are probably dead by now. And Calenmir, and everyone in Lothlórien…I should have heard the assassins coming! It's my fault everyone's dead! I'm supposed to be an Elf! I should have heard them coming, and I should have been able to warn everyone. But I didn't, and they died. They died because of me! Because I was inept, and a useless coward!" She buried her face in her hands.

Suddenly Frodo shook her shoulders, and she looked up again, right into his eyes. They were so deep, and so full of wisdom, yet also full of bitterness and the weariness the years had laid upon him. Her knees went rather weak again.

"You cannot blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. You yourself said you are no true Elf. Blame will do you no good and all harm, so you must stop it now. I do not think I am brave. I do not think I am anything special. I have only done the best I could by this Quest, and you can only do the same," he said.

It was amazing. This Frodo was a different Frodo than the one Kate had read about in the Lord of the Rings. He was more tired, and more cynical, but he was still Frodo. And the wisdom, kindness, and courage that made up Frodo were shining through, like a light through clear crystal. You couldn't help but hope if he told you there was some left.

Kate smiled weakly. "Thank you."

Frodo smiled at her, a slightly grim smile that did not reach the deep sadness in his eyes, but it was a smile nevertheless. He sat back down.

"Now…I have some questions for you. I want to know what your world is like."

"Why?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

Frodo shrugged. "I'm curious as to what would cause so many people to desire Middle-Earth so much. It's not as if it is a land of eternal peace and harmony. And adventure is really more uncomfortable than anything else, most of the time."

"So I noticed," Kate said. "All my life, I've dreamed of an adventure where I was a hero…not in Middle-Earth--it's got plenty of heroes already," she added. "But I dreamed of an exciting adventure where I'd see all kinds of amazing things and do lots of amazing stuff…" She sighed. "I never really thought about the cold nights, the sleeping out-of-doors, the being chased by people who want to kill me. I'm having an adventure, a real bona-fide adventure…and all I can think about is how much I want to go home."

Frodo was surprised to hear her echoing everything he'd been thinking when he had gone on his first adventure.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, it's beautiful here!" Kate added, fearing she might have offended him by possibly slighting Middle-earth. "I've seen more amazing things in three days than I've seen in three years. I always wanted to visit Middle-Earth. Just not under these circumstances."

Frodo nodded. "I don't mean to cut you off, but please, do tell me about your world as I asked. I want to know what kind of place it is, that makes you still want to see Middle-Earth even now when you have experienced its less pleasant aspects."

So Kate plunged into a description of home. How there were places where the sky was so hazy from pollution (which she had to explain as well) that you never saw the blue of the sky all day, and nights when there was so much light pollution to go with the haze that you never saw the stars. She described how there used to be a small forest behind her house before everything was leveled to make way for more houses.

"Not just one or two trees," she said. "Every single one was cut down."

She talked about cars, and how they were able to get people from one place to another quickly and allowed them to see beautiful, far-off place they wouldn't have otherwise seen, but spewed poison into the air in the process. She told him about how much she had loved driving down a particular back-road, framed with the most beautiful little woods, and how now that little back-road was a six-lane highway, the woods completely destroyed. How it seemed like most people never stopped to take the time to notice those little woods anymore, on the off chance that they drove through them. How some days she had wanted to scream because the desire to run to someplace where people hadn't replaced everything green and growing with monoliths of metal and glass plagued her so badly that it hurt.

Then she started talking about the people themselves. How barely anyone seemed to know their neighbors anymore. How, in the absence of having a Dark Lord to fight, humans bickered endlessly with each other. She told him about the World Trade Center, and how afraid she was that the world was about to go to war. She even went so far as to mention weapons of mass destruction, if only briefly.

Frodo looked horrified by the end of her speech.

"No wonder so many desire to leave it. No wonder there are so many of you wanting to come to Middle-Earth!" he exclaimed. "Your world sounds like a terribly cold one."

"It's not all bad," Kate allowed. "I mean, not everyone is horrible. There are people who are trying to come up with ways for us to get our cars and stuff to run without it hurting the environment, and there are great people who are really nice and intelligent. And we have some great things…like books!"

"We have books," Frodo reminded her.

"Yeah, but we can make hundreds of thousands of copies of one book, and people all over the world can read it. We have great big stores that sell so many different books it's hard to imagine. Most of them are only OK, and a bunch are terrible, because it's relatively easy…well, easier…to make books now. But every once in a while, you come across a real jewel of a book that just grips you…and you can't stop reading it, because you just have to know what happens in the end. You get attached to the characters, and you just can't put it down. At least, that's how it is for me. Most of my friends don't like to read. Lord of the Rings was one of those books," she added, smiling.

"Is that the story of Middle-earth?" Frodo asked, intrigued.

"Well, it's one of them. It's your story, anyway--yours, and Aragorn's, and that of the whole Fellowship. Then there are all the other stories, like in the Silmarillion. That's got the stories of Beren and Luthien, and Fëanor and the story of the Valar and how Arda was created, about how the Elves left Valinor for Middle-Earth and how they'll eventually return…and then there's the histories of the Men, and the Dwarves, and it's all so fascinating!"

Frodo laughed. "I have never seen a lass as excited about history as you!"

"Well for me, it's not history. It's fantasy. Well, it was, anyway," Kate said.

"What else is good about your world?" Frodo asked. "A place where books and letters are so highly valued cannot be all bad."

"Well, there's the music," Kate said. "We have things that allow people to play music on a machine in their homes, without even using an instrument! And speaking of instruments, we have so many that I can't possibly name them all. And people can make music for a living, and they can write for a living, too!" her eyes were shining now.

"Is that what you want to do?" Frodo asked her. "When you return home, that is."

"Oh yes. Most of the music people make today is awful." She briefly toyed with the idea of telling him about Britney Spears, but thought it would be far too horrifying. "But I love the classical music…music that was written about a hundred years ago. It's wonderful stuff. And there are things that we can do with computers--that’s a kind of machine--to music that is impossible without them." Her eyes were really shining now. "It's so beautiful…"

Kate continued on, dredging up everything she could think of that was good about her world. Sometimes she actually got Frodo to laugh, and when he did, she couldn't help but smile.

"I have another question," Frodo asked her, after Kate had regaled him about the fifty-flavor ice-cream shops and how nice cotton candy ice cream tasted on chocolate pie, especially when it was sprinkled with peppermint sauce and bubblegum bits. "What causes humans to fight each other? From what you say, it sounds as though somewhere there is always a country at war."

It had seemed like he had been stewing over the idea throughout the entire conversation.

Kate bit her lip. "I…I'm not sure I understand it entirely myself, but I think it's usually for money, land, or because of religion."

"Oh. What is 'religion'?"

Kate stared for a moment. "Oh…you wouldn't know, I forgot…everyone worships the Valar here. I don't know if I can explain it right."

"Don't your people worship the Valar as well?" Frodo asked, looking perplexed. "And Eru, the One?"

Kate--resisting the urge to crack Matrix jokes--shook her head. "No. See, at home, there isn't a Valinor that we know of. Nobody really knows for certain just what, if any, god…er, Eru-type being created the world. There are lots of people who say they do, but then someone else says they know too, and they each say different things. And some people feel their beliefs so strongly that they end up fighting with those who don't share them."

Frodo merely stared. To someone who had always knew, without a doubt, who and what had created his world, and had seen, spoken to, and had proof of said beings that was more tangible than someone's word because the proof was the beings themselves, this was an entirely alien notion. No one fought on Middle-Earth over religion, because Middle-earth had only one completely indisputable religion. Eru created the Valar. The Valar created Arda and everything in it. The Elves lived with the Valar, and everyone else…well, Frodo didn't know what happened after he had died, but he had lived in the Land of the Valar. He had spoken to them. He had seen their faces and heard their voices. And without religion to fight over, and no widely accepted monetary unit short of jewelry and gold, and no need for resources such as oil, the people of Middle-Earth had nothing to fight against except for cruelty. Life--and Power--were the only things that caused war in Middle-earth.

Perhaps, Frodo thought, this is why so many people from Kate's time wanted to come to Middle-Earth.

"Which of these 'religions' are you a party to?" he asked her.

"The be-nice-to-everyone-and-be-the-best-person-you-can-be-while-you're-here-and-hope-that-whoever-is-in-charge-up-there-isn't-as-petty-as-they-say religion," Kate said, after some thought.

Frodo laughed. "Is that its official name?"

"No, it's called Unitarian Universalism," Kate replied, laughing. Frodo smiled too, and yawned. He looked very tired now.

"You have given me much to think about, lass, and have answered many questions that needed answering. I understand somewhat now," he said. "Thank you. I enjoyed this talk."

"I did too," Kate said, smiling and blushing.

"Now I am tired. Perhaps I will see you again in the morning, before we part, but if not, I wish you luck." He smiled once more. Kate returned it with a rather large one of her own.

"You too," she said.

Frodo leaned back against the rock again, and was soon asleep once again.

*****

"I can't see. Can you see?"

"I'm a penguin! Penguins can see in the dark!"

"No they can't! But RABID VAMPIRE BUTTERFLIES can!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Hey, quit screaming! Do you wanna wake up Shelob or something?"

Jay was just about ready to not only tear her own hair out, but to scalp all of the recruits and jump up and down on their skulls repeatedly while screaming obscenities in Norwegian. Jay did not know any Norwegian obscenities, so she hoped it would not come to that.

"Hey, has anyone seen Agent Sue?" someone whispered as the assassins trundled along in the dark, past the giant, ghostly looking spiderwebs.

"I thought she was with you!" someone hissed, followed by a couple of "Nuh uh, she was with you"s from various rookies.

"Great. Just great. We're missing Agent Sue," Acacia muttered.

"Should we go and find her?" Kuro Shin asked.

"We haven't got time. Shelob must be wounded, or we would have heard from her by now. Sue's probably passed out in a corner somewhere, and she's disguised as an orc anyway. No one will notice her, and we can come back for her later. Right now, those Mary Sues are top priority."

"Okie dokie, smokie!"

"Grr! I hate Mary Sues! KILL THEM ALL!"

"Hey, shut up!"

Acacia growled.

*****

In a far-off corner of Shelob's lair, an orc who had gotten separated from his comrades and lost his way became privy to a strange conversation between a slurring female and what registered in his terrified, little mind as what was no doubt the voice of Shelob Herself. The orc, whose name is unimportant, had a hard time understanding most of the conversation, as the female's drunken slur made her unintelligible. The voice of Shelob, he understood all too clearly. So when the drunken female suggested that if Shelob would rather partake of the tasty women outside the tower than on a scrawny orc like her if she hungered, that She need only take a step outside, the orc huddled into his little niche, gibbering with terror. The vast, bloated form of the Spider scraped slowly by, disappearing eventually around some dark corner, and the orc huddled in terror for a few more minutes before daring to run in the opposite direction, to what he hoped was the Orcish version of civilized company.

***

"Kate. Hey, Kate."

Kate, who had been on watch for about an hour after she'd finished talking to Frodo, looked over her shoulder at Kira. "Yeah?"

"Go get sssome sssleep. I'll take watch."

"You sure? My time's not up yet," Kate asked as Kira sat down next to her.

"Can't sssleep. You might as well get sssome," Kira said. Kate started to protest, but her protest turned into a wide yawn. She thought about what Éowyn had said…but it was just Kira, after all. And she might as well let Éowyn sleep.

"Okay," she conceded. "Don’t stay up too late. If you feel like you're gonna fall asleep, you can wake me up and I'll take over again."

"Okay," Kira said.

Kate wriggled to find a comfortable position to lie in. After the day she'd had, though, it didn't take long to fall asleep, even in Mordor. Kira waited until she could hear Kate's quiet, even breathing behind her, stood up, and slowly and cautiously approached Frodo.

It was true that Kira hadn't been able to sleep. She just couldn't sleep when there was so much to think about. It wasn't like she wasn't tired. But her mind was racing, visions dancing in front of her closed eyes, her every thought filled with one thing…

The Ring.

Now that she'd seen it, it was invading her thoughts more than ever. Every quiet moment, she slipped into thinking about it. It wasn't even something she could control anymore. She had to be near it. She had to see it once again. It was a thing of perfection, so beautiful, so bright, so precious…

Green light, pale and eerie, flickered in the depths of Kira's eyes as she reached a long, sinuous hand towards Frodo's vest. Her tongue moved over her dry lips as she anticipated seeing the Ring, and touching it. If she had the Ring, she could do anything. She could save Middle-Earth single-handedly. She and Kate could go home. Mary Sues would never bother any of her new friends ever again. Her hand stretched closer to the sleeping hobbit. She would take the Ring. She would. She would!

Kira let out a soft gollum of excitement in the back of her throat as she reached for towards the hobbit's rising and falling chest. Suddenly, Frodo's eyes snapped open, and with surprising speed he pushed himself away and onto his own feet, his hand moving against his will to the chain about his neck. Kira stopped, mid-stretch, staring transfixed at Frodo's clenched hand, but the spell was broken…for the moment. Frodo stared at her with his face full of fear and suspicion as the pale, green light faded from her eyes.

For a moment, they remained frozen as Kira realized what she had nearly done.

"What are you?" Frodo whispered. "You're not a human. I see that now. What are you really?"

"I am human!" Kira insisted. "I am!"

"Then you are not merely human. I've known it for some time now." Frodo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You hiss when you speak. Do not think I haven't heard you address your friend as 'precious.' And I know no human with your hands, and your feet. Tell me what you are."

"I don't want…" Kira muttered.

"Tell me what you are," Frodo interrupted, "Or I'll awaken the rest and tell them what you nearly did just now." His face was hard as stone, and Kira had no doubt that he would do it.

"Fine! I'm…I'm half-Gollum, okay?" she hissed. Frodo looked both horrified and disgusted at this admission. "It's this Mary Sue body! I don't know why whoever wrote her thought Gollum needed a Sue, but apparently they did. And…it makes me want the…you know," she finished, gesturing towards Frodo's clenched hand.

"You think that if you had the Ring," Frodo stated, and Kira twitched as he said it, "that you would be able to heal yourself, don't you? You have grand visions of ridding the world of evil, of saving yourself and Kate, and returning home a hero. I know. I see the same sort of visions. But do not heed them! The Ring has no power to heal. It has no power to save. It has only the power to destroy and twist things until they become unrecognizable. This Ring will bring you no glorious conquest. It will only bring you to your own end, where you would be broken. You know what happened to Gollum. You would come to no better end than he."

"I know! I don't want it!" Kira insisted, although deep down inside, something was screaming that yes, she did, and she wanted it NOW. "I'm afraid of what might happen. I'm afraid of losssing myssself and becoming like Gollum isss, I'm even more afraid of it than I am of dying." She wrung her hands pitifully and Frodo shrank away at the Gollum-like gesture, his face twisted in disgust.

"Pleassse don't tell Sssam,my preciousss," she begged. "He'd hate me if he found out what I wasss. Sssam'sss my favorite character, and I don't want him to hate me…not any more than he already doesss, anyway."

Something moved in the corner of her eye, suddenly. She whipped her head to the side, but it was gone.

"Did you see something?" Frodo whispered, looking in the same direction Kira was.

"I don't know. I thought I did, but--"

Suddenly there was a movement just behind Frodo, and something tackled Kira from behind and wrapped an arm around her neck in a tight headlock.

"Ahem," an authoritative voice said. "Arintalim…ler…Arilinter…what the hell? Does anyone know how to pronounce this?"

"Let's call her Bob," someone suggested.

"Right then. Bob, you are charged with violating the canon--"

"AAAAUGH! HELP!" Kira screeched, but a Nazgûl swung its blade in a downward stroke towards her neck in the frame of a few seconds. Kira's screech carried on into one unending scream as the blade whistled through the air and--

Éowyn must have been a light sleeper.

The Shieldmaiden blocked the Nazgûl's blade with her own sword and then forced an attack upon the agent that sent it scurrying backwards in surprise. The assassin gave a female-sounding shriek.

"Hey! This isn't supposed to happen! You're not supposed to be here! DON'T KILL ME!" she cried.

"Éowyn! Behind you!" Kate screamed, running up behind the Shieldmaiden with Gimli and Sam. Another assassin crept up behind the Shieldmaiden, a knife gripped in its armored hand, but Éowyn spun deftly around and flicked the knife out of her new attacker's hand with her sword. She adjusted her grip on the sword and pointed it at her new assailant, not attacking, but rocking warily on the balls of her feet, ready to attack at a moment's notice. Her eyes were hard and focused.

"Don't kill Éowyn! The Sues! Get the SUES!" an orc shrieked at the Nazgûl who held Kira prisoner. The assassin in question had stopped her squeezing of Kira's neck for a moment in her surprise at Éowyn's attack. Now she squeezed once again, with enough pressure to make Kira choke on her scream. The Nazgûl was reaching for a dagger…

Suddenly there was a loud CLUNK, the pressure around Kira's neck disappeared, and the assassin slumped to the ground on top of her. Kira pushed the assassin off and glanced up at Kate, who was holding a large rock in both hands where the Nazgûl's head had probably been a moment ago.

"Sssimple, yet effective," she commented.

Suddenly Kate's sensitive ears caught the sound of a bowstring being pulled and she looked up at an orc, who was no more than five feet away, an arrow set in her bow and aimed straight at Kate's head…

"Time to die, little 'Sue…" it hissed.

Suddenly something whistled through the air and the bowstring snapped, slicing the assassin across the face. She gave an Orcish howl of pain as an axe bounced off a rock, and Gimli hurried to retrieve it. With amazing speed the Shieldmaiden and the Dwarf placed themselves between the girls and the assassins, and Kate and Kira pushed Zoe behind them and pulled their own swords. They couldn't fight off trained assassins, and they knew it, but it was good to have protection, at least. For a moment the assassins froze, assessing the situation. Gimli and Éowyn paused in front of the girls, their bodies tense as they waited for their opponents to make a move.

Jay ran a finger across the bleeding cut on her face in shock. In all her life as a PPC agent, she'd never seen canon characters protect Mary Sues from assassins with this sort of dedication. Usually when the assassins attacked, the canon characters were too out-of-character to fight properly and tended to move as though they were swimming through molasses. This clearly wasn't the case. Gimli and Éowyn moved liked the trained warriors they were; their every step planned in advance with the apparent purpose of disarming their opponents in mind.

It was almost like…like they were in control of themselves.

Jay glanced around, analyzing the situation. Most of the recruits had lost their weapons by now, and Gimli had snapped Acacia's and Kuro Shin's bowstrings as well. And as for Agent Sue…

Well, where was Agent Sue?

"I'm going to try and talk to them," Kate was whispering to Kira.

"Are you sssure that's a good idea?"

"If we explain, they might not keep trying to kill us," Kate said. "It's worth a--"

Suddenly, there was a scraping sound in the distance. The assassins, Sues, and canons alike glanced around in confusion for the source of the noise. All except for two little hobbits, who had briefly scattered at the sight of the Nazgûl before realizing that these couldn't be the Nine Riders. For one thing, there were too many of them, and for another, their shrieks didn't strike fear into their hearts--they just made them want to cover their ears.

Those two little hobbits immediately looked towards Cirith Ungol, terror in their faces. Frodo groped at his pockets and looked even more horrified when he came up with nothing. Sam yanked Sting out of its sheath, and moved closer to his master.

"Not Her again…" one of them, or possibly both, whispered…

…and then all Hell broke loose.

Shelob exploded from the pass and charged across the rocks, Her bloated body moving at a surprising speed and scraping obscenely against the ground as She moved. Her eight eyes glittered in the starlight, the hairs all over her giant body bristling as her eight legs slammed into the ground propelling Herself towards the group. Suddenly She let out a high shriek, horrible to hear, as if she were in pain--no doubt caused by the light of the stars, still shining through the gap in the clouds. Unfortunately, all the light of the few stars did was to enrage Her, and she charged towards them faster, her mandibles snapping furiously and venom dripping from her fangs.

And perched on Her back, waving an empty bottle in one hand and--though no-one could figure out where it even came from--a fedora in the other, was a very drunken orc.

"YEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWWW!" it yelled, sounding very much like Slim Pickins on a nuclear missile.

Agent Sue had returned.

"RUN!" someone screamed, and assassins, Sues, and canons alike scattered across the barren landscape, all intent on getting the hell away from the big-arse spider who probably rather liked the idea of eating them all. Kate grabbed Zoe, who had frozen at the sight of Shelob, and yanked her after Kira, Gimli, and Éowyn, who were already on the run. Shelob paused momentarily, probably debating which group to go after.

It wasn't that hard a debate. Really, if you were a giant, hungry spider, would you go after the bodiless wraiths and stringy orcs or the nice, meaty women and a dwarf?

Shelob launched herself after the group and began to quickly overtake them. It was surprising how fast She could move when She wanted to. All eight of her eyes were fixed on the two delicious, meaty morsels that lagged slightly behind the other three--

Kate and Zoe.

Kate chanced a look back and her heart nearly stopped. Shelob was no more than twenty feet away, and gaining. Adrenaline shot through Kate's system and she put on an extra burst of speed, but Zoe was still holding her up. Zoe too glanced over her shoulder to see what was behind her…

Kira screamed from up ahead and Kate threw herself to the side as something slammed into the ground beside her. As she did, Zoe's hand was torn from her grasp, and Kate heard the younger girl scream. She looked back just in time to see Shelob grabbing Zoe violently with her huge mandibles, her fangs sunk deep into the girl's flesh, pumping her full of venom. A wave of nausea slammed into Kate as the Spawn of Ungoliant, wasting no time, began to suck the blood out of Zoe's rapidly dying body.

"NOOO!" Kate screamed, and then she retched violently. Shelob shook Her head, and the bloodless husk of Zoe's body dropped to the ground. The girl's open eyes stared blankly at the sky, which suddenly clouded over completely. Behind Shelob, the oasis disappeared. Shelob shook with relief at the absence of the horrible starlight, and glanced around for her next meal.

Kate was stumbling across the ground, screaming and sobbing with horror, the bitter taste of vomit in her mouth. Shelob launched herself after her. The girl stumbled and fell to the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of her chest, and Shelob reared back, her fangs dripping venom in anticipation of another warm-blooded meal…

A long, sinuous hand latched around Kate's wrist, and a voice screamed "ITHILIEN!" Then she was dragged a little way, and suddenly she was leaving Shelob in the distance, the great Spider growing smaller and smaller until she was reduced to nothing, and suddenly Kate was lying beneath tall trees, on thick grass, staring up at a clear, star-filled sky. Kira was bending over her, her hand wrapped around Kate's wrist, Gimli and Éowyn's hands on her shoulders.

Kira smiled sadly, sweating torrents and shaking uncontrollably as she stood there. "I had an idea," she said sheepishly.

Kate smiled back, a smile that turned into a terrible grimace, and then she was screaming into the grass, a long, keening wail that didn’t abate until she had exhausted herself and fallen asleep in the wilds of Ithilien.