Disclaimer: We own Kate and Kira, although they'd probably have quite a few things to say about that if they knew. HFA belongs to Meir Brin and is being used with her permission. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. But you knew that already, didn't you?

The HFA crossover chapters take place during HFA's first year.

Chapter 21
In Which HFA is Reached


“So? Did we get there?” Kate whispered, her voice higher than normal.

“I don’t know…” Kira said, looking around. A thin mist hung about the ground, shimmering blue in the night. The tall trees loomed high overhead, forbidding and frightening. Even the stars hanging above them in the dark sky felt sinister.

The Forbidden Forest.

Kira shivered and hugged her arms tighter around her body as she looked around. It was so quiet…so full of the feeling of dark, frightening things…plus, she felt very odd. And she was all alone…

Wait. She wasn’t alone. She was with Kate. But where was she?

“Kate?” Kira asked tremulously, looking around and seeing no one. “Where did you go?”

“I’m right here!” Kate’s voice, still unnaturally high, squeaked from somewhere next to her.

“I can’t see you,” Kira said, squinting into the darkness.

“But I’m standing right next to you…” Kate paused. “Can you hear something?”

“Besides you?”

“Yes!”

“How should I know? You’re the Elf!”

Kate hushed her, presumably listening.

“Do you feel like…we’re being watched?” she asked quietly. Slowly she turned around…

A giant spider, its fangs glistening in the pallid moonlight, reared up over her with its long, horrible, hairy legs spread. It hissed menacingly and clicked its pincers together and started to come down upon the girls…

“AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!” they screamed as the spider slammed down just in front of them and they turned tail and ran. Kira stumbled over the gnarled tree roots and leaf litter in her frantic attempts to get away. Her limbs felt oddly heavy and cumbersome, and it was difficult to move, and for some inexplicable reason there was a constant sound of grating stone around her.

Behind the girls, the spider clicked its pincers excitedly, and Kira still couldn’t see Kate. Where were they now?

“Help!” Kate’s voice squeaked. “We need to use Mary Sue inconsistencies! AAAAAUGH!”

“Right!” Kira gasped as she fought to keep moving fast enough to keep away from the spider, and started muttering to herself. “Get us out of here! Anywhere but here, just get us somewhere else!”

But to their utter horror, nothing happened.

“Why isn’t it WORKING?!” Kate squealed angrily. “Fine time for it to happen!”

“Stupid anti-Mary Sue barriers!" Kira started to say, when she was suddenly seized around the middle and lifted clear off the ground, although whatever was lifting her was having a considerably hard time doing so. Kate’s frantic screams and cries for help announced that she had most likely been caught, too. Craning her neck around, Kira could see a vast, hairy body and eight horrible blank black eyes.

They had been captured.

What would happen now? Sure, they were probably near the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy, but did every Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest bring fangirls back to the school?

Or was this one just going to eat them?

Kate was screaming at the spider to let them go. But it only plodded on, heedless of the cries of its hostages.

“It’s no use. We’re spider chow,” Kira moaned, but Kate stopped shrieking only long enough to listen to her. Then . . .

“ACK!” they both shrieked, as they were dumped on cut grass, just outside the forest. The spider clicked its pincers, and someone began to speak.

“I found these in the Forbidden Forest,” it said, and Kira was shocked (and not a little bit horrified) to find that the spider was the one talking. Another voice sighed.

“All right, who were you stalking?” a female voice said. "The centaurs?" Kira looked up and saw a woman carrying a large riding crop and frowning at them.

“Uh…” Kira muttered. Kate squeaked suddenly behind her, as if in surprise.

“Whoever it is, you're not likely to find them in the Forbidden Forest. Oh, what does it matter? Detainment for the both of you. And for future reference, students are not allowed outside Hogwarts or in the Forbidden Forest after dark unless accompanied by a professor. Now what houses are you in?” She narrowed her eyes at Kate. “Aren’t you in Canonlaw?”

“Uh…yes,” Kate squeaked. “We’re in Canonlaw.”

“Then go there. And stay there,” the woman said. “I’ll tell you when your detentions are tomorrow.” She gestured up some stairs with her riding crop, and Kira and Kate scuttled into the castle and away. An echoing scraping noise began to issue as Kira walked, and she stopped in surprise (once a suitable distance from the woman and the giant spider, that was).

“Well, we're definitely here." Kate said.

“Really? Great.” Kira turned to look at her friend, and stopped. Kate wasn’t there. She turned her head, but once again the Elf was nowhere to be found. Kate sighed exasperatedly.

“Down here,” she squeaked, and Kira felt something tapping her on the knee. She looked down, and jumped with a little shriek.

There stood a very small creature with tennis-ball sized eyes and batlike ears, staring uncomfortably at the ground. It was very skinny, with long, thin, fingers and toes that peeked out from under odd, black robes--robes, Kira realized, that she was now wearing as well. The ugly little thing sighed and looked up. Its huge eyes were a shade of urply-wilver, and rather familiar, now that Kira thought about it. In fact, there was something vaguely recognizable about the creature’s face…

“GAH!” Kira jumped back, once again with that odd scraping sound. “Kate?!”

“Yup.” Kate nodded.

“But…you’re a house-elf!”

“Thank you, I hadn't noticed!” Kate squeaked sarcastically, crossing her skinny arms and looking very indignant. As indignant as a house-elf could look, anyway. “And you’re one to talk!”

“What do you mean? I’m not a house-elf,” Kira said. She looked down at herself…

“No kidding. I’m not even sure what you are,” Kate put in.

For a moment, Kira did nothing but stare. The moment didn’t last very long.

“OH MY GOD! I’M A ROCK!”

“Rock-person…thing,” Kate added, helpfully. Odd as it was, Kate’s description was possibly more accurate. Kira had gone from being a fantastically beautiful semi-gollum-like human to…a fantastically beautiful semi-humanlike thing made of stone. This explained her difficulty in running away, and the scraping sound, which must have been her footsteps. And . . .

Wait a minute . . .

"My shoulder doesn't hurt anymore!" Kira said, staring at her shoulder. She could see the bandage, but it was made of stone. Undoubtedly beneath it was a carving of an infection. “Great, but…why are you a house-elf, and why am I made of rock?”

“I’m not sure what happened to you, but since here the only known kind of elf is the House-Elf, I automatically got turned into one of the local breed,” Kate explained.

Kira blinked. “Ah. This is extremely weird, being in a Harry Potter fanfic."

"As opposed to being in Lord of the Rings fanfics?"

Kira paused, a confused look still plastered on her face.

“But it still doesn't explain why I'm like this. I'm not--” Kira stopped suddenly as a random bit of lore was called up in her mind. “Oh wait…”

Kate was frowning up at her. “Kira, you have a funny-looking mark on your forehead. Let me get that…”

“NO! Don’t touch that!” Kira yelled, jumping away with loud thudding and scraping of her stone feet on the equally stony floor, forgetting the fact that Kate was far too short to reach anywhere near her forehead. “I think I’ve figured it out! I must be a golem!”

“Huh?”

“Or…half-golem, I guess. I think that the fanfic is interpreting ‘half-gollum’ as ‘half-golem,’ you know, since Gollum isn’t a Harry Potter character,” Kira explained. Kate’s eyes went wide with understanding.

“Oh! That makes sense. In an incredibly implausible and really weird way,” she said. “What does that have to do with the mark on your head?”

“Golems all have a magical symbol on their foreheads. If it’s erased, they turn back into clay, or stone, or whatever they were made from.” Kira lifted her heavy gray arm and stared at it. “I’m guessing I’m stone.”

“Oh. I’ll make sure not to erase it, then,” Kate said, in an unusually obedient tone. Kira raised a stony eyebrow.

“So,” she said, “Who was that with the riding crop anyway? I haven’t read HFA yet…”

“Meir Brin,” Kate said. “She thinks we’re in Canonlaw House, so we better play along.”

“Fine by me, but we have one problem,” Kira said.

“What?” Kate asked.

“We have no idea where Canonlaw is.”

“Oh. Right.” Kate frowned. Suddenly she blinked, and pointed behind Kira. “We could ask them!”

“Ask us what?” Partially hidden in the shadows was a group of what were probably students, as neither Kate nor Kira recognized them from the books. One of them was a little under a foot tall, and looked as though she were some sort of pixie. The students were staring at them suspiciously and not a little guiltily, as if up to some sort of mischief.

“Um…do any of you know where Canonlaw house is?” Kate asked hesitantly. The pixie shrugged.

“Not me. I’m a Slashering,” she said proudly.

“I haven’t seen you before,” one of the students said, narrowing his eyes at them. “And I’m in Canonlaw.”

“We…like to keep to ourselves,” Kira said.

“Yeah, we…don’t like to socialize much,” Kate added. The Canonlaw gave them another odd look.

“Then how come you don’t know how to get to the common room?”

“We forgot?” Kate suggested.

“Yeah, and we’re lost, and we don’t know how to get back to Canonlaw from here,” Kira said.

“We have really bad memories. And no senses of direction,” Kate said.

“Fine. Go down there, past the suit of armor, and through the third tapestry on the left. Take the seventh staircase. That’s very important, ‘cause the sixth will take you to the Mini-Aragog spawning ground. You don't want to go there.”

The girls nodded.

“That should take you to the common room. Unless the stairs changed. Or the armor moved.” The Canonlaw snickered. “Good luck getting there.”

“Thanks,” Kate squeaked, and the two began walking down the hall.

“Who were they?” Kira wondered.

“I bet it was the Fellowship of the Peeves,” Kate said. “Let’s see…armor, third tapestry, seventh staircase…or was it the sixth?”

“Seventh,” Kira stated. “Definitely seventh.”

“If you say so.” Kate shrugged as they passed the suit of armor and ducked through the third tapestry hanging on the left wall. They carefully counted the stairs and chose the seventh.

“So?” Kira asked, looking at the short hall at the top of the stairway. A couple of portraits of people snoozing peacefully and various statues decorated the walls, but any of them could have been the entrance to Canonlaw. “What do we do now?”

“Not sure. I don’t know the password or anything. Or how to get in, for that matter,” Kate squeaked.

“Neither do I…” Kira stared around, looking for some clue as to how to get into the house. “Maybe we’ll just have to wait for one of the students to come by.”

“What if a Mini-Aragog comes by first?” Kate whimpered. Kira considered this.

“Well…do you think the Mini-Aragogs can do much against someone made of stone?”

“They could erase your symbol-thingy,” Kate pointed out.

“With what?”

"A feeler-thingy?"

"Good point." Kira thought, but no more ideas came to mind. “Well…have you got a better idea?”

“No, not really,” Kate slid down against the wall and stared at her long, thin hands. "You know, being a house-elf feels a lot weirder than being a Mary Sue."

"Technically, we still are Mary Sues," Kira reminded her. Kate sighed.

"Right…" she muttered, closing her large urply wilver eyes and yawning. "I'm tired. Wish we could get in."

"So am I," Kira agreed, sliding down next to her friend with a thump. Surely it couldn't hurt to close her eyes for just a few seconds…

*****

When Kate woke up, it was because someone was poking her.

"I'm up, Éowyn, stop poking me!" she cried, batting at the hands and rubbing her closed eyes.

"Hey, you like Lord of the Rings too? Spiffy. Éowyn's my favorite character, after Frodo." a strange, somewhat familiar voice said. "Did you two sleep outside here all night?"

Kate opened her eyes and jumped back. Another house-elf was staring at her, although this one didn’t seem to be entirely house-elfish. House elves sense of style usually went more towards raggedy pillowcases than clean, pale blue robes and light scarves cleverly worn like headbands to mask the fact that they had very little hair. At Kate’s surprised expression, the house-elf in question rolled her large, blue eyes and crossed her arms. Her pale blue robes were pulled back just enough to reveal disproportionately large feet.

“Let me guess. You put 'Tolkien Elf' on your application too?” she said. Kate glanced over the house-elf’s shoulder at Kira, who was staring at them both with a drowsy, bemused expression.

“Er…yes,” Kate said. The house-elf rolled her eyes again.

“Same here. Well, actually, I put ‘half Tolkien Elf, half Hobbit.’ I couldn't decide between the two." She explained, in response to Kate and Kira's odd looks. "I’m Andtauriel Longwood.” She extended a long, thin hand for Kate to shake. “You can call me Andy.”

Kate took her hand warily. “I’m Kate. Nice to meet you. And that’s my friend Kira.”

Andy waved at Kira. “Not trying to be rude or anything, but what are you? I haven’t seen either of you before. Are you Canonlaws?”

“Yeah, we just don’t like to socialize very much,” Kira said. “I’m a half-golem.”

“We kind of keep to ourselves,” Kate added. Andy blinked.

“Funny, I thought I’d have noticed another house-elf student.” She shrugged. “Did you sleep out here all night?” She stared at Kate and Kira with very large eyes.

“Yeah, we…forgot the password,” Kate said.

“And the Mini-Aragogs didn’t get you? Wow, you’re really lucky.” Andy continued staring at them. “You can’t have slept very well.”

“Oh no, stone floors are great for sleeping on,” Kira sarcasmed, standing up and rubbing her back.

“What time is it?” Kate asked.

“Classes haven’t started yet, if that’s what you’re asking,” Andy said. “I got up early to set another trap for Dobby.” She grinned. “He keeps getting away. But one of these days, I’m gonna catch him.”

Kira blinked. “Dobby is your lust object?”

“Eww, no, that’s gross,” Andy said, waving her long hand in Kira’s direction. “I love Dobby in a platonic sort of way.” She smiled at Kate and Kira, and started skipping towards the staircase. “Nice to meet you. See you in class!”

“Wait! What’s the password?!” Kira called after the house-elf/hobbit hybrid, but Andy had disappeared down the stairs, humming merrily to herself.

“Well, that was productive,” Kira muttered.

"She was kind of funny." Kate said thoughtfully. "At least she appreciates house-elves . . . they've got a raw deal, you know . . ." she didn't add that Andy had also been humming the same song Kate had been singing when she was at Mount Doom. Anyone who knew that song and sang it was cool in her book. “Well, if one of the students is up, that means that the rest should be too, in a while,” she said. “We can ask one of them for the password.” She frowned, but said no more.

“What’s wrong?” Kira asked.

“It’s just…Why didn't the Mini-Aragogs bother us? Don’t you think that students sleeping out in the open would get their attention?” Kate said, looking confused. “It’s just not like them, you know?”

“Maybe they really didn’t want to bother a half-golem. And you know what they say, ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.’ Did you want to be bothered by Mini-Aragogs?”

“Well, no…” Kate frowned. “Who says that, anyway?”

“What?”

“Who says ‘don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’?”

Kira raised her eyebrows. “I don’t know.

“Me neither. Hey, we’re rambling again.” Kate giggled weakly and settled back. For a moment the two were silent. The distant shrieks of a terrified house-elf echoed from somewhere in the castle, followed shortly by an indignant yelp of pain. A silvery ghost floated past the house-elf and half-golem, sparing them the merest glance, and the quiet sound of the wind issued outside the castle. Kate gave a sleepy sigh and leaned against the wall.

“I just realized something,” she said quietly.

“What’s that?” Kira asked, looking up.

“This is the first time since I fell into this whole adventure that I’ve been bored.” She smiled, and closed her eyes. “And you know…it’s kind of nice.”

“Yeah…” Kira agreed. “It’s so quiet…not the kind of quiet it was in Fangorn, or out in Rohan…it’s a kind of temporary silence. Sooner or later, there will be people running all over the place here, but for now…” her voice trailed off, and for a while longer the two reveled in the relative calm of pre-morning HFA.

Calm, however, doesn’t last very long at the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy.

Students began appearing about thirty minutes later. Kate, who had been dozing, jumped as a rather large amount of fangirls walked past her, most discussing various plans for attracting/capturing their lust objects. Kate began poking Kira.

“Hey Kira, the rest of the school is getting up,” she said, as Kira jerked out of her own light sleep. “Should we follow them?”

“Yeah. Probably,” Kira grunted, and the House-elf and half-golem fell into step with the crowd. Well, as best a House-elf and half-golem can fall into step, anyway. A couple of the students started giving them weird looks, especially after Kira’s rather loud footfalls began to disturb everyone and three girls tripped over Kate.

“This is embarrassing,” Kate muttered, rubbing her ear where someone had stepped on it after accidentally knocking her to the ground. “And painful. I object to being used as a doormat!”

“Here, let me help,” Kira said, and scooped Kate up off the ground and placed her on her stony shoulder. “You’re gonna get trampled if you stay down there.”

“Thanks!” Kate said gratefully. “I never realized how hard house-elves must have it in a crowd. I wonder if it’s this bad for hobbits?” she mused.

“Excuse me, who are you?” a blonde with a slight bald spot where her hair appeared to have been singed asked. “You’re not Canonlaws, are you?”

“Yes, we are,” Kira sighed, tired of explaining. “I’m Kira.”

“I’m Kate. We’re very reclusive,” the House-elf said shortly.

“Oh. Well…I’m Ally. Nice to…notice you, I guess,” the girl--Ally--said.

“Um…same here.”

“Hey,” Kate said, “I don’t mean to sound stupid but…where are we going?”

“She has a really bad memory,” Kira put in.

“The Great Hall, for breakfast. And then we've got Magical Heredity and You,” Ally said. Simultaneously she flicked her eyes to Kira, as did Kate. Kira grumbled.

“This ought to be interesting,” Kate muttered.

*****

Concealed behind an old suit of armor that was snoring quietly, Andy Longwood reflected that being part house-elf rather than part Tolkien Elf wasn’t so bad at times, since it was a great deal easier to hide as a house-elf than as a Tolkien elf. She knew - she'd been a proper Hobbit and Elf hybrid back at MUSM. Not that being part House-elf was much fun. She kept having the strangest urge to clean things and ask her classmates if they wanted anything whenever things got too quiet. She supposed it would have been even worse if she weren’t part hobbit.

But that wasn’t really her top priority at the moment. Her brilliantly schemed House-elf trap had been foiled when she was chased down the wrong flight of stairs by the Mini-Aragogs, dropped all her trap-building equipment, and was forced to scramble on top of a trophy case to avoid the minis, who took her stuff anyway even if she was able to hide. Thus her plan had been reduced to the old standby of “hide behind something and jump out at it when it walks by.” It wasn't like she was going to tackle Dobby or anything. Well, maybe she was--the year was almost up, and she still hadn't gotten one of his socks as a souvenir. It was a silly goal, but still.

A door down the hall opened, and Dobby the House-Elf skipped out, looking relatively cheerful. Andy crouched behind the armor, waiting until he passed, and then leapt out and attempted to seize the House-elf’s ankle. Dobby shrieked and reached for his knitting needle sword, and in the scuffle that ensued Andy did not manage to get a sock and received a good poke in the stomach for her effort.

“Gah,” she muttered, clutching her stomach as Dobby fled in terror. “House-elves have mean right hooks.” Maybe she could take advantage of that…

Andy stood up, feeling a bit dizzy. Had she hit her head? No, not that she could remember. The room seemed to be spinning slowly…

“Funny, I was feeling fine just a minute ago…” she muttered, rubbing her large blue eyes. Maybe it had something to do with her brief scuffle with Dobby. Maybe she ought to go to the Hospital Wing. Then again…

Suddenly a phrase started echoing inside Andy’s head, and her vision began to cloud. She opened her eyes wide in panic. Oh no! Not now, not when the year was almost over! She couldn't get…

But what she could be getting Andy didn’t get the chance to think of, as she fainted and fell to the cold stone floor, the phrase still echoing in the back of her mind…

It seeks out the dominant character of the time…